Lies
by FireAndBright
Summary: Fallenbreeze ran from her clan when the love of her life tried to kill her. Rowanlily was driven from hers when her deputyship was challenged by fear of death. Flame ran when a tom abused her once too often. The future of the clans is shrouded in mystery. In a world where cats will kill for power, lies are the only words they hear. But how far will they go to uncover the truth?
1. Prologue

"It will be alright, Fallenbreeze." Rowanlily presses her chocolate brown fur against mine, and I inhale her soft, beautiful scent, trying to forget everything that will happen, to convince myself that everything will be fine.

But I don't. I can't.

The sun is nearing the horizon, and nothing has changed.

My heart thumps in my chest, and I could almost believe that ShadowClan could hear it at the other side of the forest. Normally, I would make a stupid joke about it, to reassure my sister. But this is not normal. And it is not Rowanlily who needs to be reassured.

Everything I thought I knew.

 _Lies._

I stand abruptly, startling the long-furred tabby beside me. "I'll be back soon," I say shortly, barely registering the hurt in my sister's golden eyes. I always liked to think of them as golden, rather than yellow. Yellow seemed a bit plain for a warrior as patient, kind and caring as my sister.

But that's not relevant. It doesn't make a difference to the fire burning in my soul, the flames that are licking my heart, hissing and spitting until the ashes fall to rest in the hollow space inside me.

I thought I was finally whole. I thought I could live happily ever after, like in the elders' tales I used to love so much. I thought I would at least be able to appreciate six moons of peace. But it turns out I will never have the chance.

Everything I thought I knew.

 _Lies._

I race through the forest at a speed I have never ran before. My fur is whipped behind me, and I can hear the wind whistling through my ears. I can feel the terror, the exaltation, whenever I swerve away from the trunk of a sturdy oak or scrabble at the side of a swift river, pulling myself up just as the soft earth crumbles into the foam below. My eyes are like fiery coals; burning almost as fiercely as the pain inside.

I don't care how far I run. I don't care how I'm going to get back. I don't care.

There is nothing left to care about. Not anymore.

Everything I thought I knew.

 _Lies._

But the worst thing is that I can't run from it. I can't hide. I can't shove it away in a corner of my mind and forget about the scars that will never heal.

It will follow me forever. The scars will not stop bleeding. It doesn't matter what I do, where I run, however had I fight, battle the despair that envelops me in a soft cloud full of voices, I will not be able to escape.

 _"She's a liar." His voice is shaking, and to everyone but me, his sorrow and fear seems utterly real. I, my sister, and maybe our medicine cat, Brackencloud, are the only cats to doubt his word. "She nearly killed me! I just managed to escape and pin her down before she performed the killing blow." That's all it is to him. A performance. He shudders - or at least that's what I remember, because despair doesn't like me to see._

 _"We'll trial her. Tonight." Froststar's voice is grim and her eyes gaze at me in sorrow. She thinks I've betrayed her. Not the other way around. She is soft and reassuring when she meows, "I'm sorry, Shadewhisper. I trusted her."_ And I'm never trusting you, _I think._ Never again.

 _Then it's my brother. "You'd do this to me, Fallenbreeze!" he yowls, his claws unsheathed and his eyes blazing, the same shade of gold as the only cat who stands beside me. "Betray me, and the whole of ThunderClan? I loved you!" His yowl of sorrow nearly breaks my heart, but I still can't forgive him. He didn't ever doubt Shadewhisper's word. Only my own._

I break free of the despair, clawing at the air as if that will make it disappear. But it still suffocates me, making sure that every breath I take reminds me of what I have lost and what I can never take back.

And the pain. It hurts. It feels like someone has cut me open and is carelessly ripping out my heart. It's agony, and I don't think I'll ever complain of anything else again. But there are no herbs that can heal the ache of a broken heart.

Only him. And he's torn my heart apart so much that even he cannot put it back again.

I will remember today for the rest of my life. And for the rest of my life, I will want - no, I will _need_ , need so much I could kill - to forget it. He doesn't love me. He never did. He tried to kill me. And when I escaped from the claws of death, my clan believed him.

No. Not my clan. Not anymore.

 _I was pinned down - blood seeped from the marks he had already left, but it gushed from where his claws dug into me. I let out a desperate yowl, but there was no point. The battle had been won._

 _I gazed into his merciless, crystal eyes, and saw nothing there. Nothing but cruelty and greed._

 _I had been blinded. Blinded by irrevocable love. And the strange thing was that I still loved him in that moment, although I could never forgive him for what he had tried to do._

 _Everything I thought I knew._

Lies.

 _It was my sister that saved me - she chased a mouse into the clearing, pinning if down with a quick blow to the neck, then glanced up, frozen in shock._

 _It all happened quickly after that._

 _Shadewhisper raced away, though I couldn't quite register why - I was still in just about as much shock as my sister. The pain increased to about five times as much, and I looked into Rowanlily's golden orbs and uttered four words. "We need to run."_

 _When I raced back into the clearing, there were no yowls of terror and surprise. Bluetail winced at my bloody wounds, but her eyes were cold._

 _Then I saw him, and I knew why._

 _I had seen him lie before. His word was always trusted, and he never forgot. He never left a loophole in his words. They would exile me. He would kill me, if it could be done without everyone noticing, and they wouldn't care. His word would be compared with mine and Rowanlily's, and the winner was obvious. No one would even bother to think._

 _Dread filled my heart. As if I had a heart left. As if I wasn't already broken, torn beyond repair._

 _He had got there first._

When I stop, it isn't because of my hunger, or my thirst. It isn't my pain or my grief, nor because I am exhausted beyond measure. It's because I bash into a tree.

 _Stupid birch._ I'm still my same old clumsy self, then. At least I hadn't crashed into something harder, like a beech, or an oak. My injuries already sting as it is, although the agony from my heart has numbed that so much I can barely feel the pain.

I look around, and taste the air. I've left the four clans behind, although not by much. I never believed any cat could run that fast, but I did. If only my heart had been whole. That would have been the best thing I had ever done in my life.

A strange silence echoes around me. It feels as if I've just watched my life crash and burn, and now it's done, I'm looking at what I can salvage from the wreck I have become. What pieces of my heart that have a chance of fitting back together - what parts of my soul won't be in agony for the rest of eternity.

I see nothing.

I need to go back to ThunderClan. Froststar will hold a trial for me tonight. No one doubts the outcome, not even her. She will be fair - I know that without doubt - but if I leave forever, even my own sister may start to believe in my guilt.

My _mate_ \- I shudder as I think the word - would have told a story that fit in perfectly with her own. That, if I didn't return, Rowanlily would begin to believe, too.

And I can see a vision - Shadewhisper, standing on the highrock, dripping with blood but yowling in triumph, as if he is not seeing the warriors beneath him, dead and mangled, bloody and torn. As if he is not just the monster I believe he is, but one that is worse, if that is possible. And then I see Froststar and Lightningfoot's rotting bodies, lying at the entrance to his den, and I don't doubt that he is.

A monster is in the forest.

And only I can stop him.

Still, I lie beside the tree, watching as the colours of the sunset spread across the sky. Pink, orange, red - glowing with a light that almost gives me hope. I don't understand how such beauty can exist in a world so harsh and cruel.

 _When the sun has fully set,_ I promise myself, _I will go. I will face my clan, and they will know the truth._ But I don't believe it. I can't trust anyone anymore.

Not even myself.

* * *

 **So, my first chapter of my first story!**

 **What do you think? Do you like it? Is it good? Bad? Do you have any questions?**

 **Does it make sense? Does it end well? Should I have done something differently?**

 **Please review and/or favourite and/or follow! You don't know what it means to me...**

 **...probably.**


	2. Chapter 1 - Forgotten

_She's broken. I knew that from the first moment, twelve moons ago. But slowly, her heart is healing. Maybe one day she'll be whole again._

 _I don't know what happened, nor why. I know that it has shattered her. It has shattered her, but also brought her closer to us. Closer to the only place that can make her whole again._

 _She can'_ _t hear me. Not yet._

 _Soon._

* * *

I kill the mouse with a quick blow to the neck, wincing as I bend down to pick it up. It's lucky that Flame found me. Without her, the infection in my shoulder would have killed me long ago. Of course, it didn't help that I caught it on some sharp shiny twoleg stuff before it had fully healed, and then caught some strange unfamiliar disease that meant it wouldn't heal... but that's not the point.

Even as it was, I nearly died. If she had stumbled across me a day later...

I like this life. With peace and quiet, time is all I need to recover.

Flame only allowed me to begin hunting a few weeks ago. Before that, she caught for both of us. She's an amazing hunter, but with trying to look after me, too, it was a huge relief for her when I began to feed myself. Leaf-bare - which I've almost began to call 'winter' myself - is approaching, after all.

We've become very good at comfortable silences, but I'm still not sure what to say, even after moons of consideration. She's saved my life. How can I possibly thank her enough?

And it has been moons, seasons, in fact, since I last felt the agony of ThunderClan's betrayal. The pain still throbs inside my heart, but only a dull ache remains.

"Good catch," Flame praises, dropping a sparrow from her maw next to a vole on the ground. With all my tangled thoughts, I barely noticed her coming. _It would take ages to adjust back to clan life now,_ I thought. _But Froststar will have told the other clans. I don't have a chance of being accepted now that I have proved myself guilty._ Not that I care.

Usually, I try not to think of ThunderClan, but today, I feel happy. Today, I feel free.

"Thanks." I drop my mouse onto our pile without bending down. It might be leaf-fall, but it seems the prey is still alive. _But then again, it's not like we have a whole clan to feed, and we have a lot of territory to hunt in. Prey will always seem less scarce than in the clans while we're here._ And it was a we, not an I. How could I abandon Flame after all she'd done for me?

The loner frowns, annoyance flashing across her golden-amber eyes. I'd thought Rowanlily's eyes looked gold, but now I'd seen Flame, I knew I was wrong. Her long, rich fur, too, was impressive - it was almost a true red, with barely a trace of the striped markings that you always saw in the clans. Flame _had_ been a kittypet before she gave up their soft life to become a warrior, though, so it made some sort of sense.

"You need to excersice your shoulder," she meows in irritation, but I've been here long enough to hear the gentle tone underneath her annoyance. "If it hasn't healed by winter, then I won't have any of the herbs to deal with it."

"Okay." I, too, frown. She does have a point. "But what shall I do?"

"Race you to the farm!"

I bound forward as soon as I hear the word 'race', only to realise I am going the wrong direction. I don't waste my breath sighing - I turn and pick up speed as fast as I can. She would need the head start to win. I'm fast, and we know it.

Of course, I might bash into a tree, but I've got better at that recently. Or it might just be that there are not as many trees to bash into.

Yeah. Probably the latter.

 _This is what I was named for,_ I think as the wind whistles past my ears. And I love it. Every moment is a chance to forget, to throw away my past and enjoy the here and now. My paws barely touch the ground and it feels like I am flying, soaring across the ground like the birds I always envy. I'm flying, and I'm free.

It is stretching my shoulder, but I barely notice as I begin to catch up with my friend. The barn isn't far; just about long enough for me to overtake her. And I do, bounding into the barn just a second before she does. It's hard to stop, hearing the pounding of my heart and feeling the adrenaline still pumping through my veins, but I resist the temptation to race her back. Now I've stopped, my shoulder is aching. "Ow." I say, smiling. "That definitely worked."

Flame peers at my shoulder. "I'm no expert," she declares, "but I'm pretty sure that's getting better."

"Speak for yourself," I grumble good-naturedly.

She laughs. "It hurting is a good sign, though. It's not burning like the infection was, right?"

I shake my head.

"Good."

I look around us, and she follows my gaze. The barn is tall and wooden - it looks a bit rickety, but I'm sure it has many seasons left to live. Hay bales are stacked in one corner, providing shelter from the wind and rain. I'm surprised no cats live here, but then again, the dogs are enough to scare any loner off. Flame and I both prefer the wild, though, not a two-leg building - even if they don't live in it or ever come in.

It's a great place for hunting; the mice and voles are plentiful here, and it provides great shelter. We'll probably visit a lot in leaf-bare - even move here, temporarily, if that will help. Normally, we'd hunt now, but we already have fresh-kill back at our camp.

I pad out, and my gaze is drawn past WindClan's moor to the forest where I used to live. A pang of homesickness aches in my heart, but I ignore it. There's no place for me in the clans now.

Sensing my discomfort, Flame stands next to me, pressing her warm fur into mine. I'm grateful, but I don't deserve it. "Come on," she meows gently. "Let's go home." But I know that home is nowhere but in the forest, where I truly belong.

* * *

"Rowanlily, will you concentrate!"

I shake myself out of my daydream; there's no point in thinking about my sister now. Instead, I turn to my apprentice, Brightpaw, who looks a little surprised - no, shocked - at Shadewhisper's impatient order. _Good,_ I think. _He's not as perfect as everyone says, and it would do well for you to learn that._ But I don't voice those thoughts aloud. That would be stupid.

"Brightpaw, show him your hunting crouch," I meow, glad that there is something Shadewhisper will have to be impressed by. We've spent ages working on her hunting, and she's almost as good as me. Considering I'm one of the best hunters in the clan, that's not too bad at all.

Shadewhisper narrows his eyes, but says nothing but a short, "Good."

I almost sigh. It has been seasons since Fallenbreeze left, and I still think about her every day. About why she ran away, proving her guilt. About whether she was innocent after all...

No. Shadewhisper's hatred of me proved that he was to blame. Why else would he take every opportunity to put me down? Even if I had got her innocence wrong, a good cat would forgive me.

Shadewhisper is not a good cat.

"Can you scent anything?" I ask my apprentice.

She tastes the air, pointing to a spot with her tail. "There's a mouse there, but it won't be easy to catch. I'd be better off trying to catch the rabbit."

I scented the rabbit only a moment before Brightpaw replied. A glow of pride flashes through me, but still, Shadewhisper looks uninterested. I hiss internally, but keep silent. _If Lightningfoot had been judging this, he would have praised her, not sat back and watched with disdain!_

With Lightningfoot ill, Shadewhisper had temporarily taken over the role of deputy - not officially, but no one seemed to think it should be otherwise. _No one but me,_ I thought bitterly. He would be leading the clan next - and what would ThunderClan become then?

"Go for the mouse," meows the warrior. The calico apprentice adjusts her crouch slightly, then moves in for the kill. Her stalk is excellent - it's all I can do to stop myself from purring out loud. Shadewhisper shifts his weight impatiently as Brightpaw is about to pounce.

And he steps on a pile of crunchy leaves, causing the mouse to look up in fear and scurry off.

I can see the ghost of a smug smile on his face, but he hides it well. "I'm sorry, Brightpaw," he meows. "I didn't mean to do that. Is there anything else around?"

She knows the answer before he asks. "No," the apprentice replies, looking up at me in disappointment. "Does this mean I've failed the assessment, Rowanlily?"

"I'm afraid so," I reply gently.

"We'll try again soon," Shadewhisper promises. "Don't worry - I saw your stalk. You would have caught it if it hadn't been for our clumsiness."

 _Our,_ I think bitterly. _By the time he reports to Froststar, it'll be me who disturbed the hunt._

Brightpaw doesn't reply, only giving a respectful nod to the senior warrior. I give an internal sigh of relief. Shadewhisper might hold a grudge against me, but he won't stop my apprentice because of it.

"That was great," I assure my apprentice as soon a Shadewhisper is out of earshot. "If it hadn't been that filthy piece of fox-dung assessing you, you would have done brilliantly." I hiss in frustration, then realise what I've just said. "Sorry, ignore me. I get carried away sometimes." My heart fills with dread as I wonder what 'accident' would follow me if Brightpaw repeated those words to him.

"But you're not carried away, are you?" My apprentice is much quieter, and much more composed than I am. "You're telling the truth."

"Yes. I am."

Brightpaw says nothing, padding slowly towards the other side of the clearing.

"Do you remember the night when Fallenbreeze disappeared?" I ask, walking alongside her, and then shake my head. "No, you wouldn't. You weren't even born."

"I know the stories. The elders love a recent piece of gossip." She sighs. "So Shadewhisper attacked Fallenbreeze, then? Not the other way around?"

"When I chased a mouse into the clearing, I saw my sister pinned down. Shadewhisper was about to kill her. It doesn't matter whether she attacked him first or not - although I would never believe Fallenbreeze would do such a thing." I hope. "He was still about to break the warrior code. I saw his eyes. Merciless and cold. And that's all I can see whenever I look at him now."

The leaf-fall forest is alive. Leaves in shades of gold, red and brown float gently on the breeze to rest on the ground below my paws. Birds are singing their joyful song, and prey are scurrying around, preparing themselves for the leaf-bare to come. But all this reminds me is of the day she left.

"If Fallenbreeze was innocent, then why did she run away?"

"I honestly don't know." I meow. "She was afraid. She knew that Shadewhisper was prepared to kill. She loved him, Brightpaw. She loved him with all her heart, and it would have been agony to face him after what he had tried to do."

"And Shadewhisper hates you for opposing him."

I wonder when my apprentice suddenly became so smart. She is nearly twelve moons, after all, but still... "Yes. He didn't want to report anything good about me - but he isn't taking it out on you. He's fair, in that sense." *And that's about as fair as he gets.*

"What do you think happened to Fallenbreeze?"

"Someone found her, and helped to heal her wounds."

"How do you know?" Brightpaw was curious. Well, who wouldn't be?

"She hasn't visited me from StarClan. Nothing would stop her if she had the chance." I fervently hope that what I'm saying is true. If she had betrayed us, then she wouldn't have made it in.

But she didn't betray me. Of course she didn't.

"She would have died from her wounds?"

"They would have got infected. I know enough about medicine that those cuts weren't shallow."

Brightpaw doesn't reply. We're nearly at the camp entrance, and we don't want to be overheard.

"You can't tell anyone what I've said," I warn her in a low voice. "It could put both of us in danger."

She nods. "I know."

And we pad into the camp, mentor and apprentice together, surrounded by a tangled web of betrayal and lies.

* * *

 **Another chapter up! How is this one? For the first chapter I thought I'd just explain what was going on a little, with a bit of character building in both points of view. Is this a good length for a chapter? What do you think of the unknown p.o.v. at the start? It'll start to make a bit of sense later, I promise.**

 **Thanks for reading!**

 **~ Fire & Bright ~**


	3. Chapter 2 - Betrayal

_"She's coming. Have patience."_

 _"But is she the one? Doefall, she is our only hope. I can't afford to take any chances."_

 _"What about her? Do you not have a heart? We are her only hope, too."_

 _"But if she dies, she'll be happy. And if we die, we're gone. We don't have time to find another. We have no choice."_

 _"I know. But you have to trust her, and me. Do you trust me, Briarleap? Do you trust me?"_

 _She doesn't trust me. But that won't make a difference._

 _This_ is _the cat we've been waiting for._

* * *

The meeting with Froststar and Shadewhisper goes just as well as I expect it to. The senior warrior calls me over in the evening after the assessment, and I stop chatting with Littletail, padding over to join him.

The cave is cool and light. It's quite large, for one cat, and the soft, green moss of Froststar's nest makes me almost wish I was a leader. All that responsibility might be worth it for a den as great as this. Might. I've never been one for leading, and Froststar knows it. She gave me the perfect apprentice - Brightpaw is rather like me. She respects me, but knows that she controls her own actions. I rarely have to give any orders.

"Welcome, Rowanlily." Froststar's meow echoes slightly in the cave as I sit on the ground. It is surprisingly smooth, but quite cold. I begin to feel impatient to get this over and done with. This reminds me too much of the talk we had had just a year ago.

"Thank you, Froststar." I dip my head in respect as Shadewhisper sits beside her. Not quite near enough that it seems he is taking over as deputy, but still, I can see the gesture.

With a shiver, I wonder whether Lightningfoot will survive.

"How is Brightpaw's hunting going?" she asks, getting straight to the point as usual. I used to like her for it, but there isn't a thing my leader does that doesn't remind me of the day Fallenbreeze left. Her rare blue eyes sparkle, though I can't tell the emotion masked behind.

"She's doing brilliantly," I reply, with a glow of pride. "We've spent a lot of time working on her skills, and she's turning out almost as great as me." I pause to see if Froststar wants to comment, then continue.

"When Shadewhisper and I were assessing her, she scented a rabbit before I did. Brightpaw knew that the rabbit would be easier to catch, and she told us so." I nod to Shadewhisper to continue.

"I asked her to go after the mouse, even though it was a harder catch," the senior warrior meows, and I loathe him for the smoothness of his voice. "Her stalk is excellent, and her crouch is neat and well balanced. She knew the difference between hunting the rabbit and the mouse - she adjusted it when I told her which prey to choose."

I know what's coming next, and disdain flashes briefly across my yellow eyes. Other than that, I show nothing.

"However, I didn't get to see her pounce - Rowanlily was clumsy enough to disturb the hunt and the mouse's cry scared the rabbit away."

Froststar looks my way, a little surprised. "You're not often clumsy," she meows, asking for an explanation.

"I know," I reply, smiling a little. "I forgot where I was, that's all." I lie so smoothly now, I can almost compare myself to Shadewhisper. _But since when have I lied for any reason but to protect?_ I have a sudden urge to yowl that I'm not - that everything Shadewhisper says is a lie, and how can she possibly trust him? But I know that that will get me nowhere. I can remember last time I spoke out only too clearly.

 _"You were about to kill her," I said quietly. "Don't deny it. I saw you. I saw the blood gushing from her wounds and I saw you closing in for the killing bite. You can't say that was in defence." My heart was racing, and it was all I could do to keep my voice calm, let alone stop my claws from slashing at his neck._

 _"She had been about to kill me," he meowed, his voice shaking. "She would have. I saw the cruelty and determination in her eyes."_

 _"And I saw them in yours." I was snarling then; my pretence was gone._

 _"How could you expect me to not be angry after what she has done?" he hissed. But I knew his anger was all a mask, to disguise the murderer underneath. A cat that deserved exile, but that no one would ever suspect. If it hadn't been for me._

 _"Stop!" My leader's yowl echoed in the cave, and I, reluctantly, sheathed my claws. "Tonight, we will trial Fallenbreeze. Until then, no punishment shall be inflicted."_

 _And still, Froststar believed him. She didn't look past the warrior we all saw in the past moons, or even consider that he had done wrong. I hated her for it, but at the same time, I pitied her. This was why I would never become leader. I knew without doubt that I would regret every decision I would make._

Froststar's clear voice jerks me back to the present, and I just catch the words 'battle skills'. "She's doing well," I reply, pretty sure I can guess the question. "It's not quite up to the standard of her hunting -" my leader nods in approval "- but I've nearly taught her all I can. It won't be long until she's ready to become a full warrior."

"One moon?" the silver tabby asks.

"That would be perfect. She'll definitely be ready by then." I nod, barely able to contain my excitement. _My first apprentice will be made a warrior!_ If only Fallenbreeze was here to share my joy.

 _No. Don't think about her._

She smiles, and for a moment, I see the same leader I used to see before Shadewhisper's betrayal. I see the leader I love and respect. I see the leader who is clever and wise. I see the leader she was - patient, kind, helpful, caring, strict but fun, and it hurts. It aches like the loss of my sister, only this is fresh, raw pain.

I lost a sister that night.

And I lost a lot more.

Then her smile passes, and I see the leader who couldn't look further than a mask once again.

I can sense I am dismissed, so I clamber to my paws. With a respectful nod to my leader, I pad outside into the dappled sunlight.

I hold my head high, remembering the good news of my apprentice's coming ceremony, but inside I just feel hollow. It's not just Shadewhisper who has a mask. Once again, I'm comparing myself to the monster who nearly killed my sister. What next?

Then Brackencloud, our medicine cat, lets out a yowl of anguish. Froststar hurries forward, but Brackencloud blocks her way.

"Stay back," he meows. "He's got greencough."

Greencough. _Greencough_. Every bit of happiness that I had for Brightpaw evaporates as I take in that statement.

Greencough kills. It's possible that we'll find some catmint still alive, but unlikely.

Shadewhisper appears from the den behind our grief-stricken leader. His muscles are strong, his body is sleek and he looks in perfect health. He allows himself a smirk before his emerald orbs widen in shock as he pretends to realise what's happened.

I know, without doubt, who the next deputy will be.

And I suddenly understand why my sister ran.

* * *

My dreams are uneasy; they have been ever since Shadewhisper's betrayal. But tonight is worse. I drift in and out of nightmares until I wake to the glow of the rising sun. Flame is not beside me, but I don't panic. This happens often. She always comes back with prey, and though I doubt that's all she's been doing, I haven't challenged her. We're allowed to keep secrets. I have plenty of my own.

Then I realise I'm not in our nest, I'm somewhere else. The sun is not rising, it's setting. This is not reality, but merely a dream.

And Flame is not so far away.

A golden-red flame; a silhouette against the sunset of my dreams. She glows with a light and beauty that words alone cannot capture, and I cannot avert my gaze from the cat who stands before me, her pelt dotted with silver stars.

They swirl and dance around her, casting shadows on her rich, red fur and glowing, golden eyes. Twisting and turning, the trails they leave behind shimmer in the air for a second before they are gone. I recognise the stars from the elders' stories, and what I think fills me with dread. She is bathed in golden light, and suddenly I look away from the blaze that dazzles me, blinds me from what I know I am seeing.

If there are stars in her pelt, then she is dead.

I bite back a scream of anguish - this is a dream, that's all. Just a dream. _Just a dream..._

"Just a dream..."

"Sorry, what?" Flame is looking at me, her emerald eyes clouded with concern. "Are you alright?" I clamber to my paws, shaking my head to clear my exhaustion. It seems I have had barely any sleep - but still, it's better than the first few nights of pain...

"Oh - I was dreaming, that's all," I reply, feeling a little guilty for the smooth lie. But somehow, I doubt she wants to hear that, in my dreams, she was dead.

The loner sighs, and I cock my head to one side. "I'm tired," she confesses, noticing my questioning look. "And I've been having dreams..." She sighs again. "I used to think I knew where I was in life. But now I don't know if there is anywhere that I belong."

Her worries sound so like mine that I want - no, I don't know what I want to do. I thought I had found my purpose. I thought Shadewhisper had been my life, my soul, _everything_. And then he tried to kill me, and my identity, my life - everything I had - was ripped away in that moment.

Then they believed him, and I knew I didn't - _I couldn't_ \- belong in ThunderClan anymore. They thought I had betrayed them, and now, I'm beginning to think they might have been right.

But I don't belong out here. I don't belong with only Flame for company, alone, without anyone else who cares for me. The truth is that I can't survive without a clan. It's where I belong.

And I'll never be able to go back.

But I have Flame. I have one cat, at least, who loves me and will care for me. I have one cat who won't betray me, and yet I've never told her what happened. I've never told her anything.

I tell her.

Her eyes widen as I begin, but close as I finish. She presses her fur against mine, and I breath in her sweet, comforting scent, of forest and moor, of kindness and freedom. I think she needs it as much as I do.

"In the twolegplace," she meows shakily, "living with twolegs, there is a tom. He knows where I am, and knows my scent. He says that if I don't come, he will kill me." She is trembling, and I force myself to be calm for her sake. "At first I convinced myself we were in love. Then he used me as his scratchpost once too often."

"I ran away. One act of defiance, and then I was running for my life. The next day, he caught up with me, and I staggered towards the shade of a tree to die. It was a clan cat that saved me."

I place my tail on her shoulder, but she doesn't relax. Flame is just as tense as I am.

Why did I never ask her where she went? Why didn't I help her when it was clear she needed it?

"She took me in and healed me in secret. She mentioned something about a Sparrowstar who didn't like loners. One had killed her mother, you see." I nod, familiar with the leader before Froststar. I had heard the stories. "Her name was Frostfall, I remember. You never forget the cat who saved your life."

I narrow my eyes in confusion. Froststar healed a loner under her leader's nose? Froststar was kind enough and knew enough to bring Flame back from the dead? Froststar took a risk like that just for a loner she probably couldn't save?

Shadewhisper's betrayal has twisted my perspective so much. I am no longer the cat I used to be.

She waits for my nod before continuing. "Afterwards, the tom came to me again. Every week, he said, I had to come to him. If I didn't, he would kill me next time. Wait beside my corpse until the final breath had left my body." She shivers.

"There's nowhere I can go. There's nothing I can do." Utter hopelessness fills her voice and for a moment the despair sweeps through me. I shake it off. I have to help.

"You should have told me," I breathe, unable to think of anything else to say. Why didn't she tell me before? Why?

"You were busy healing your own wounds." Flame's voice is firm, and I admire her so much in this moment. She's just spilled her greatest weakness to another, one that would send any ordinary cat into living hell - and probably her, too. But she's standing, tall and strong, as if nothing could hold her down.

"I don't care. You should have told me."

"I know."

A few moments pass. We share our warmth as a cold breeze ruffles our fur - mine short and black and white; hers long and golden-red.

"You won't leave me, will you?" Her voice is calmer than I expected it to be.

"Never."

"No more lies?" she asks.

"No more lies," I confirm.

Lying.

There are words in the air that have still not been spoken. I should tell her. Flame has a right to know that I saw her, dead, in StarClan.

 _No more lies._

It seems that betrayal is still around every corner.

I still have no one I can trust.

* * *

 **Chapter 2 has arrived! I'm posting these first few quite quickly, since I've already written them, but soon it'll just be every Friday. Did you like this chapter? What do you think of Rowanlily's meeting? Lightningfoot's greencough? Fallenbreeze's dream? Flame's story?**

 **Thanks for reading!**

 **~ Fire & Bright ~**


	4. Chapter 3 - Lost

_"Her future has changed, Briarleap." My voice is calm; I don't want to alert the clan who are doubtless gathered outside, listening, to my fear._

 _"For the better?" There is still hope in her voice. I wish I didn't have to be the one to crush it._

 _"I don't know if she will come," comes my confession._

 _I knew she would react badly. And I'm not wrong._

 _"No! No!" Her wails echo through the camp and I wince, giving up on all ideas of silence. "She_ has _to come! Our survival depends on it!"_

 _"I know, Briarleap." I sigh, despair creeping into my own voice. "I know. We can only wait and have faith."_

 _"I'm not a miracle, Doefall. You know what I've been through."_

 _"I know. But as long as there is hope, you need to be with us."_

 _Just because our ancestors have abandoned us doesn't mean we can't hope. The clan have something to hold onto in this darkness, and we will not let our only chance slip away._

 _We may be lost forever. But it would happen anyway. My desicion has been made. And I choose her._

 _There is no going back._

* * *

Waiting is agony. I don't understand how cats can survive. How can I possibly sit around while watching our deputy's strength slowly wither away?

Froststar isn't getting any sleep these days, but Brackencloud won't let her see Lightningfoot anywhere near as much as she wants to. He doesn't want greencough spreading around the camp - we have no catmint, so I understand that completely - and he's even banned Poppypaw, his apprentice, from the den.

Shadewhisper is standing it fine, it seems. He has no worries, no doubts. He knows that he will be chosen next, and he is happy to wait.

I can't cope. I can't cope anymore.

I slip away into the forest, knowing that no one will notice until the evening patrol returns.

Leaf-bare is approaching fast - I can feel the chill in the air. Frost is beginning to form on the crunchy leaves beneath my paws and the evergreen foliage that, for some strange reason, never dies. It's going to be a hard season this year, but we'll make it through. We always have.

I sigh, and my breath comes out in a spiralling cloud of mist in front of me. The sun is already beginning to set, but I don't look up as its colours flood the sky. It makes me wonder if Fallenbreeze is out there too; afraid to look at the beauty of the sunset because it might be taken away.

What else are we supposed to believe? Are we meant to pretend that everything is fine in a world where I envy the birds for their wings - for their freedom?

I'm lost. There's nowhere left to go. Nothing left to do. I'm lost in a cloud of my own sorrow and despair, and I've fought it for so long that I've forgotten the way out.

But I won't let it swallow me. Not while my sister is still alive and out there somewhere.

I pad further into the forest, wondering if this is the same path that Fallenbreeze ran when she was lost, and hopeless, swallowed by the despair that fights for me now. At least then we had each other. At least then we weren't alone.

I'm not alone now, but I still feel like it. I still feel that the rest of the world - Froststar, Lightningfoot, Brightpaw, although my apprentice seems closer to me than anyone else will ever get - are separate from me. There is a wall between us, and its roots have grown so strong that it will never be knocked down.

Only what to them is a wall, to me is a cage, a prison that I cannot escape. The forest seems real to me, in its sights and scents and sounds, but I don't know if I'm here, truly here, or whether I was gone long ago.

What is here? What does it mean? Is it a word with a meaning, or purely an imaginary boundary? Is it one of those words like home, like sister, that never make sense until they're gone forever?

I can scent the patrol coming back, so I slip in before them. Nobody notices my absence, was always. When my sister left, Shadewhisper and I were the only cats the clan ever noticed. A moon later, they began to respect me and leave me to grieve on my own.

Brightpaw is the only cat I ever speak to, really. But I can live with that.

As I settle into my nest beside Tigerfall, a dark tabby warrior who moved into Fallenbreeze's old spot when he became a warrior, I wonder where my sister is at this moment. Is she sleeping? Hunting? Moving further and further away from all she's ever known?

Even after all these moons, it still hurts to think about her. I think it always will.

My dreams are worse than usual; although nightmares of Shadewhisper's cruel green eyes used to haunt me every night, they disappeared after a few moons. I toss and turn throughout the night, and eventually I give up, unwilling to have another dream where the darkness suffocates me in its cloud of despair and I know I'll never see the sun again...

But I'm not the only cat out in the night. Froststar is standing in the clearing with Brackencloud beside her. They whisper in low murmurs before the brown tabby tom looks up and spots me, confusion flickering across his light, green eyes.

"Rowanlily?" he asks, his voice full of concern. Froststar looks up and I hesitate for a moment, unsure what to say.

"I can't sleep," I meow honestly. "I didn't realise you were here."

The leader nods, closing her eyes for a few seconds before she looks at me. "Lightningfoot is worse," she meows, and the grief in her voice echoes the barely masked despair in her blue orbs. "He won't make it through the night."

The words register and the shock hits me like a front paw blow. I knew it was going to happen - we all did - but did it have to be so soon? "That's... That's terrible, Froststar." I don't know what to say.

Terrible. Not just because Lightningfoot will never see the sun again, but because ThunderClan will need a new deputy. And even if he has to kill to get that rank, I know who it will be.

Froststar sighs, and I see the old cat again. The leader I respected and loved - only now, her mask is gone. This is why I would never accept leadership. I hate it - I hate the way that if you make the wrong decisions everyone blames you, but when you do it right someone else gets the credit. I hate the responsibility, and I know I would fail. The moment there was a decision to be made that was even slightly serious, I would collapse - not from the difficulty, but solely because I can't cope with the pressure. Leadership was never meant for me.

Froststar has coped through all that. She made one wrong choice with Fallenbreeze, but who am I, a cat who shies away from leadership because she's afraid to do exactly that, to complain?

"I'll call the meeting at sunhigh," she meows, her voice distant. "I need some time to think. And I have to speak to Lightningfoot, even if I don't go near."

Brackencloud gives an exasperated sigh, and I jump. I'd almost forgotten he was there. "Two minutes, Froststar," he meows softly. "Then you need to catch up on your sleep."

She nods, and then turns to me. "Try and get some sleep now, Rowanlily. I'll tell the warriors not to wake you. You look exhausted, and I know you haven't had much sleep recently."

Brackencloud snorts, muttering something under his breath.

I dip my head in respect for her, and, for the first time in moons, I mean it. "Thank you."

This time, sleep comes easily. I drift into the darkness unaware, and for one night, I have no worries or cares. I just dream peacefully - calm and alone.

Bright sunlight wakes me, and I look around, disorientated. Clambering slowly to my paws, I wonder why the nests beside me are all empty. Needles of light stab at my eyes as I squint into the sky. _Is it sunhigh already?_ I frown, confused.

"Come _on_ , Rowanlily!" It's Brightpaw - it seems it wasn't the sun that woke me, after all. Memories of the previous night come flooding back, and I shake myself awake. "Froststar's called a meeting. She told me to wake you up."

"Thanks, Brightpaw," I pad towards the gathered clan, a few of which give me funny looks. Brightpaw shrugs at me, but I can tell she is curious. _I'll tell you later_ , I mouth, and she nods, getting the message.

"As you all know, Lightningfoot passed away last night." Murmurs of sadness ripple through the cloud, and Froststar waits for them to die away before speaking again. "Lightningfoot will be sorely missed, and I wish he could have lived longer. But it was his time to go, and I one day I will join him in StarClan."

"I need a deputy that is strong, and will lead us through the hard leaf-bare that is coming. A deputy who doesn't seek power, but is a true leader. A deputy that isn't afraid to make their thoughts known and isn't afraid to challenge our ways. A deputy that knows what is wrong, and what is right. A deputy that will lead my clan after me - a deputy I can trust to look after ThunderClan. There will never be a cat to replace Lightningfoot, but moonhigh isn't far away. And I have made my choice."

Shadewhisper is almost smirking now. I want to leap at him, claw that smile off his filthy face, the liar, the traitor, the would-be-murderer that tried to kill my sister.

Then Froststar calls the name of the next deputy.

It is not Shadewhisper, and for that I am grateful. But I am utterly shocked - and suddenly afraid - of her decision.

"Thank you, Froststar. It would be an honour." Everything seems like a dream. The warrior chosen bows her head in respect, gazing in sorrow at the dead body of the deputy, and, starting with Brightpaw, her name is cheered by the gathered crowd.

Rowanlily.

 _Me._

Shadewhisper is staring. His emerald eyes bore into my head from behind, and I turn to face him.

He looks murderous - like he's ready to kill. I wonder who's next on his list. I am deputy now. If I want to stop him, I probably can.

Then horror flashes through my yellow eyes.

 _I am deputy now._

His next target is me.

* * *

"I'm not afraid, Flame," I meow, sighing softly. "I'm a warrior. This is what I was born to do."

"You haven't fought a battle in twelve months." I make a mental note: _Months are moons?_ Well, I think that's right, anyway. "Your shoulder is still not fully healed-" She sighs. Caring for one cat for twelve moo- months is probably getting quite frustrating. "-and I've never been taught to fight."

"I doubt he has, either." I point out.

"He has." I don't press it. The utter helplessness and despair in her voice is enough confirmation for me.

I hate myself for this, for making her relive her memories every second of the day. But how else will I be able to make her safe?

I don't understand how she coped. How she lived through the pain and the torture every time. How she never even mentioned it to me. How she kept a secret that must have been killing her inside just to let me heal.

"Whereabouts in twolegplace does he live?" I ask softly.

Flame waits a moment before she makes her hesitant reply. "Not far in - on the same side as us. You have to cross about two small thunderpaths to get there."

All the times she could have been killed and I'd never know. I would just sit there forever, my shoulder throbbing, my heart aching, waiting for her to come back home.

Silence. Time passes. I'm not sure how much.

And then Flame suddenly jolts fully awake. I can see the terror that blazes in her amber eyes and the dread in her fearful yowl as she leaps to her paws.

"It was meant to be today," she breathes, despair threatening to swallow her in a tidal wave of panic. "It was meant to be today."

I know what that means before she says it. I'm on my paws, scanning the land around us with a feral snarl.

"He's coming."

My first sight of the monster is a tense minute later - pools of blazing yellow light gaze at us from the darkness of the trees. I can just make out a dark and white pelt when he steps boldly into view. He is smiling, and not for a good reason.

His body is scarred, his ears are shreds and clumps of fur have been torn from his black and white pelt. His yellow eyes - or more accurately, eye, for there is only a bloody mess where one had once been - blaze with a fire that nothing can quench. This is no kittypet - this is a monster. Everything about him screams danger, and yet I cannot run.

Flame is here beside me, and she is the one he wants.

The tom laughs, and my fur fluffs up with fear. He can see that I'm already in a defensive position - as if he's already attacked me and he has the advantage. I force myself to straighten up, to make my fur lie flat on my back.

And then he launches himself at me.

I was actually quite good at battle - not meaning to boast or anything. I used to be pretty amazing when fighting an opponent. But Flame is right. I haven't done anything like this for so long that I can't fight. I don't know how, or even what, to do.

That was a stupid move - I let my guard down just because he laughed at me?

There is no time to think as I'm knocked backwards and the air is pushed from my lungs. I swipe at his paw feebly, missing his paw but deflecting part of his next blow. Beads of blood begin to form where his claws raked my skin, and I kick out with my back legs, hoping to strike my target.

He's too quick, and I'm too tired. Flame can do nothing as I roll and scramble to my paws, facing him with a weak snarl. The rogue - I refuse to think of _him_ as a _kittypet_ \- slashes my exposed belly, and I scream in agony. He just smirks, and, with a last blow to the head, turns to face my friend.

I roll over, my face on the ground. Slowly, I stagger to my paws. My injuries aren't that bad - in fact, the adrenaline pumping through my veins is doing the opposite of his murderous intent. He didn't even swipe my shoulder. But then I see Flame.

It is me, in this moment, who is pinned down beneath those claws. I am my sister, looking at them in horror. And it is Shadewhisper, not the rouge, who is about to kill the cat below him.

But unlike before, Rowanlily - I - cannot get there in time to stop him.

* * *

 **Chapter 3 is here! So, how do you like the cliffhanger? Am I pacing this story a bit too fast? Does it seem just a bit too weird that Rowanlily is deputy? It's gone over a little in the next chapter. Will Flame die? Do you want Flame to die? Please don't say yes. I like Flame.**

 **Thanks for reading,**

 **~ Fire & Bright ~**


	5. Chapter 4 - Before

_"Briarleap, don't go!" I don't care if the rest of the clan is listening. She_ must _stay with us. "Please," I whisper. "For me."_

 _"Have you seen anything else, Doefall?" Her voice is harsh. I guess I can't blame her. As the end draws closer we all have our own ways to try to hope, but few succeed._

 _"Yes," And it's not a lie. I have seen something else - something that I've seen before, but in a different way._

 _It's not what she thinks it is. Not a prophecy, not a message. But it's enough for me._

 _She whips her head around. "What? Why didn't you tell me?"_

 _"Briarleap, look at me." I choose my words carefully, but then I just tell her. "You're going to be a grandmother."_

 _"You're having kits?" Shock passes over her face, then surprise, then fear. "Who?"_

 _"Blazingice will be their father in every way that matters." My voice is cold, but then I speak again. "Please don't leave me, Briarleap. Don't leave_ us _. There is hope." She knows what it feels like - better than any other. She_ can't _do it herself._

 _"Maybe I must," she snarls, but she doesn't leave. Instead, we sit together, mother and child, sharing warmth in the shadows of the oncoming storm._

* * *

Everything happens quickly. A small white tom appears from somewhere unknown, leaping towards Flame's tormentor. And the black and white kittypet looks up, hisses and runs.

I blink.

I blink again.

The white tom gazes at me for a few, long moments. Then he turns and runs off, leaving us alone.

I sit, bleeding and tired. An echoing silence fills my ears as I try to comprehend what has just happened, broken by Flame's moan.

I scramble back to my paws, ignoring the stings from my wounds.

She needs treatment, and fast.

A jagged line of scars on her side have been reopened, and blood oozes from her wounds. I can see where he pinned her down, marked by the crimson red that is easy to see in her golden-red fur. She's not awake, I don't think, but she doesn't seem to be fully unconscious either. Her belly has been slashed and her throat grazed.

I don't know any herbs. I don't know how to use them. I can't heal her.

Yes, I do. Cobwebs stop the bleeding. That nice-smelling plant heals infections... no, that's catmint. It's marigold, right? Or is that for rat bites - no, that's burdock root, isn't it? Marigold is for wounds - I know that much.

But what if I can't find them? What if I've got it wrong? What if it ends up being my fault that she dies?

I force myself to stop. To sit down and think calmly. To forget that someone I don't know just saved Flame's life; to forget that despite that she is dying before me and I can't stop it. There's no time for doubt now.

Just because I ran away doesn't mean my ancestors have abandoned me. StarClan will show me the answer.

 _No - wait._

They already have.

I dreamed of Flame dead. I dreamed of stars in her pelt and light in her fur. I dreamed of her in StarClan.

How could I have possibly missed something so obvious?

I need to move quickly. RiverClan is closest to us now, so that's where I'll take her. They'll help us - they were the ones who proposed to add another rule to the warrior code that meant no cat could be left to die, the age of a kit or the age of a warrior. It was turned down by the other clans, including ThunderClan (I might have mentioned that Sparrowstar didn't like loners), but as long as Lichenstar is still leader, they'll remember. It's only my identity that might prevent them from taking us in to heal.

I fasten my teeth around the scruff of her neck and haul her, slowly, painfully, watching as her unconscious body is thumped and knocked and jolted. Watching as her life slowly seeps away.

We're unnaturally close to the clans today. I'm lucky. We both are.

Who was the white tom? Where did he come from? Why would he help us? And why did the kittypet run away? The questions won't stop coming. _There is more to us than a dark past. But I don't think either of us know what._

Time passes. I barely notice the RiverClan border as I pass it, but once I have I almost collapse in relief. Somehow, I keep going. They won't find her here.

 _And,_ I think, looking down at myself, _she's not the only one who needs her wounds treated._

The pain hasn't kicked in yet. Soon.

I shiver.

It's cold.

I can scent some now, RiverClan cats coming closer. An apprentice appears, eyes wide in confusion and fear. Behind her, a warrior bounds towards us, horror in their gaze.

I try to croak an explanation, but my paws buckle from under me. The last thing I hear is a third cat's astonished yowl before I join Flame in the darkness of dreams.

* * *

There's light.

Light in the darkness that I cannot escape. Hope in the despair that engulfed me long ago.

It's hard to believe that something might save me. Not after all this time.

As I pad towards it, I realise there are two lights. Two moving, bobbing orbs flecked with black. For some reason, I'm afraid. Terrified of the only hope I have. But is it hope, or something darker than I realised?

And then I can see. The black is gone, and light shines before me.

Only for a moment. But it's long enough.

I back away from the eyes of a cat that tried to kill me. Away from the midnight-black pelt that sent me here. Away from the liar, the traitor, the would-be-murderer.

Even in the darkness, I can see as he lunges for my neck.

* * *

"Are you awake?"

The voice of reality is sweet and gentle and kind. Anything but him. Anything but him.

 _Anything but him..._

"Sorry?"

I didn't realise I had said that out loud. I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to get Flame and I nearly killed either, I guess, but it still happened.

 _Nearly. But not quite._

"Nothing," I mumble, surprised at how easy it is to speak. And how easy it is to tell a lie. Rolling over, I feel no pain. I'm nearly healed. It would almost make me laugh if I didn't have more serious issues to think of. "Flame?"

"Your friend?" A small tortoiseshell she-cat swims before my eyes. "She's better. But she hasn't woken up yet. Rushingreed says it's to be expected, though. Her wounds were worse than yours."

I try to stand, but she nudges me back into the comfy nest I woke in. That was unnecessary. Every part of my body stings and aches, or so it seems - from my whiskers to my paws. _I'm nearly healed? Really, Fallenbreeze?_ A few parts of my body throb, and I wonder if I would have preferred the nightmare.

 _If you had faced him again, you would have got a lot worse than this._

But how on earth did I drag Flame all the way here like this? I must have nine lives or something. Probably used them all up - was it earlier? Yesterday? "How long was I unconscious?"

"You appeared here before sunset. It's nearly sunrise."

Not long. Good.

"I'm sorry," she meows, "but I have to go. Rushingreed will want to know that you're awake."

"Wait," I call as she turns to leave. "What's your name?"

"Oh - sorry! I'm Tinderfur. It may seem that we have very strange names at first, but you'll get used to it." She thinks I'm a loner. I guess that's a good thing. "What about you?"

"Breeze," I reply, not because I want to lie, but because she can't know who I am. The other clans would have believed Shadewhisper's lie, and if they knew who I am then knows what they'd do with me?

"I'll be back in a moment, Breeze."

The silence isn't comforting, as I thought it would be. Instead, it feels like the moons Flame healed me. Burning pain and blazing fear. Fear of others. Fear of ever being alone again.

At least she hasn't asked the questions yet. I need time to rest before I recount that battle again. I could wait forever, if I had the chance, but they deserve to know. It's the least we can do, considering they were kind enough to take in two random injured cats that may never help them back. I wonder how many cats will complain when they realise strangers are in the camp.

I wonder how long we will stay.

Rushingreed is a silver tom with medium-length fur. He has grey, marbled tabby markings, a white chest, two paws, a tail tip, a mangled ear and copper-coloured eyes. I shift myself to face him, wincing at the pain.

"Breeze?" he asks softly, and I nod. "How are you feeling?" Rushingreed's voice is deep and soft, comforting and gentle.

"I've never felt better." He laughs and I smile, deciding to tell as much of the truth as I can. "I have been through worse, though. Flame spent twelve moons healing my shoulder because every time she let me move before I was fully well I would do something stupid and get it wounded again."

"Does she know a lot of herbs then - Flame I mean?"

"Yes. She learnt them from another cat who saved her life when she was younger." No need to tell him it was a clan cat.

"I'll need to check you over, but I think you'll only need a few more days to heal. Flame, however, is going to have to stay here longer."

I prop myself up on my paws. "I'm sorry if-"

"Shhh," he soothes, nudging me back down again. I guess I can only obey, with how much I owe him already. "When you're healed, then you can apologise. For now, shut up and let me treat you."

I laugh. "If you wish."

He checks my wounds quickly, muttering to himself. "Ok. You have no signs of infection, but some of those wounds are needing a new poultice. Tinderfur?"

He chews the leaves she gives him then applies it to my wounds. It stings for a few seconds then the pain fades away.

"Another thing," Rushingreed continues, but his voice is low and worried. "I can't be sure, but I think your friend might be expecting kits. Is this right?"

I stare at him, confusion clouding my face. Then it sinks in.

 _The kittypet._

My best friend has the kits of a monster inside her.

* * *

Froststar has already organised the patrols for the day, so I'm relieved of that duty. But everything else overwhelms me. Some cats look at Froststar like she's mad, but others look at me with respect. I don't want it. I don't want this power, this responsibility.

But, as Froststar says later, that's one of the reasons she chose me.

Brightpaw has as much faith in me as my leader, if not more. She tells me so as we hunt together, helping to fill the fresh-kill pile despite the settling cold of leaf-bare. "You'll make a brilliant deputy," my apprentice meows, her voice full of warmth. "If it hadn't been for your past, every cat would agree wholeheartedly with Froststar's decision."

But she knows just as well as I do that my past may be coming back to me. Ready to swallow me whole.

Shadewhisper hasn't shown any signs of aggression since the ceremony. Instead, he avoids me - understandable, considering I took the place that he had thought was guaranteed for him. But no cat suspects he has darker notions - Brightpaw and I are the only two. Will she be like me, left behind to fight for the truth when the other has run for their life?

At least I know that Shadewhisper may try. Fallenbreeze had no idea.

How in the name of StarClan had she fallen in love with him?

The next day is much harder than the first, but passes. I ask for Tigerfall to lead a border patrol past ShadowClan, taking Shadewhisper and Mothpaw with him. It'll be good practice for the young warrior. He isn't used to leading, but knows how to deal with hostile cats well.

I decide to go hunting with Redfoot, but the red tabby requests to take Squirrelpaw out for training instead. I nod, a little embarrassed, telling them to practice their battle skills with Emberlight and Foxpaw. Littletail goes hunting a little time after, but I relent from sending out any other cats. The camp needs to be defended if it is attacked, however unlikely it may be.

Brightpaw disappears, and pads into the clearing a few minutes later carrying dry moss towards the nursery. The camp is peaceful, and I can relax. But there's always something to be doing. Froststar calls me to her den, waiting patiently as I bound towards her. She leads me inside, and I sit as she does, waiting for her to explain.

"I'm worried about you and Shadewhisper," she begins, and I sit a little straighter, not daring to hope. I nod uncertainly, wondering where the conversation is going.

"Shadewhisper has plenty reason to hate you - for one, you accused him of trying to murder another, and for another, I chose you as deputy when he was the obvious candidate. But I don't want this hate to go any further. I'll speak to Shadewhisper tonight, and I'd like you two to go hunting together tomorrow."

"With Brightpaw and Mothpaw?" I ask, naming our apprentices. Froststar has identified his hate as a danger, however small. Maybe, just maybe, she'll begin to see that I was right.

Or not.

"No. Just you two." Froststar dissmisses me with a flick of her tail, and then calls for me to wait. "Put me on a border patrol tonight, will you, Rowanlily? You did great this morning, by the way, especially considering it was your first time."

I nod my head in thanks, but I don't mean it. My thoughts are racing - panicking. Tomorrow we'll be alone. _Alone_. This is the chance that Shadewhisper has been waiting for.

He's tried it once, though, and everyone would know that he killed me. He wouldn't dare.

Would he?

When the ShadowClan patrol come back, I send Froststar and Bramblefern to check WindClan's border, as she requested. When the battle training cats return, I go hunting with Brightpaw and Tigerfall, telling Shadewhisper that he can join us when Littletail appears if he wishes. The prey is still out and running - but tomorrow will be worse.

In a moon, the leaf-bare shortage of prey will be obvious whenever you glance at the fresh-kill pile. Another two moons and you'll only have to glance at a warrior to tell the harsh season.

I catch a plump mouse that must have been feasting ready for the cold. Brightpaw kills a shrew and Tigerfall a thrush before I make the last catch of the hunt - a scrawny vole that has seen many better days.

Shadewhisper didn't join us, and we wonder why - until we pick up the musky scent of a fox. I break into a run towards the camp. _What's happened?_

There's a hole in the nursery, and Ashfern is wailing with grief. Shadewhisper is comforting her, and he looks up sadly when I come into view.

"Two of Ashfern's kits have been taken by a fox," he explains, and I lower my head in grief. "Shrewkit and Pinekit are here, but Morningkit and Pebblekit were taken."

I look down at the two trembling kittens - almost six moons old. I had never been a cat to pay much attention to the kits, but I knew their names and had seen them all the time. These kits had always been lively and daring, but that might change, now. Losing a littermate is like losing a part of you.

I would know.

I dip my head towards the young cats of five moons. "You've witnessed a tragedy today," I meow softly to the two. "More than that. For a while it'll feel like you'll never be whole again. But they'll be watching over you two from StarClan, and if you work hard to become great warriors then they'll be proud of you."

"I'm sorry, Ashfern. I know Bramblefern's gone after them, but there's little hope. Be strong for your kits you still have, and the ones you have lost will wait for you until, one day, you join them."

But the clan has lost so much already - first Lightningtail, then this.

And then there's tomorrow. And the next day, and the day after that.

If it's barely started, then how bad is this leaf-bare going to be?

* * *

 **So, what do you think of chapter 4? Who is the tom? I promise he'll be important later on - Flame was saved for a reason. Should Fallenbreeze really have gone to RiverClan? How will Flame react when she finds she has the kittypet's kits? What do you think of Ashfern's taken kits? Is Rowanlily a good deputy so far or should someone else have been chosen?**

 **Thanks for reading,**

 **~ Fire & Bright ~**


	6. Chapter 5 - Dreams

_"I have news, Briarleap." My hesitation is obvious._

 _"Then speak."_

 _"I..." I don't know what to say. "I don't know if you want to listen."_

 _She only sighs, gazing into the distance at a world that's left behind. "Tell me."_

 _"It's about Snow." She stiffens at the name, but nods to me to continue. "He - he met her. He saved her, and-"_

 _"They're alive?" It had torn her heart open when her mate chose to stay behind. It turned out we were wrong, but we had never known whether or not they were right. Now she just sounds exhausted. The grief in her voice is long gone._

 _"I was thinking..." She doesn't stop me. "If they're alive, then maybe we can save ourselves. Maybe we can join them."_

 _"_ Never _." And the one word, devoid of emotion and yet containing all the defiance, hatred, terror and truth of the world, silences me._

 _But maybe, just maybe, this means I am right._

* * *

When Flame learnt she was pregnant, I expected her to do something. To speak to someone or ask for comfort. Instead, she continued with her lesson, learning all the herbs that Timberfur could teach her. By the time they had finished, she probably knew more about the clans than _I_ did - and certainly more of the gossip. I guess she never needed me like I needed her.

I hear her sobbing in her nest when dark has fallen. But it takes me longer than her to finally fall asleep.

Tonight, I dream.

 _It was dark. The sky was black, dotted with the tiniest pinpricks of light; the moon a thin crescent that was faint in the night. A forest of tall pines loomed above, strong and powerful - everlasting, unlike the cats huddled below._

 _There were many of them, ten maybe, perhaps thirteen. They mingled together, brushing pelts and murmuring quiet reassurance. But their eyes darted about, scanning the forest around them, and their ears were pricked for the slightest sound._

 _Not all of them were fully grown. Three tiny kittens sat, terrified, where they once would have played without a fear. Two older cats, but still not full-grown, stuck close to four who were, partially shielded from view._

 _The hoot of an owl startled them; spinning around in the direction of the noise, they crouched, staring into the mist-like shadows that hid the unknown. But nothing appeared. "It's fine," called one large tabby tom. "But we need to move now."_

 _Then they came._

 _First, came just one, slinking out of the shadows to study the group, amber eyes glittering with malice. Her whole body radiated power, and she knew it, revelling in the cats' fear._

 _They gazed at her with wide, fearful eyes, shrinking back under her malevolent stare. All but one dark tom, who looked back with defiance, unflinching at her gaze. The hunters had been reduced to the hunted, picked off, one by one. But he wasn't going to let that happen._

 _"What do you want?" It was a whisper - nothing else was needed in the deathly silence that had gripped the forest at the young cat's daring. The note of rebellion was there, but muted. It was a plea, the tom hoping that he wouldn't need to utter a challenge._

 _But the she-cat just chuckled, lightly but with that hint of darkness, as if his courage was amusing. As if he would never be able to carry out his threats. And she was right. A flick of her tail and five others were there, appearing out of the shadows. "You," came her reply, a faint whisper of malice. "All of you. We want the forest as our own."_

 _He wasn't backing down. "Who are you? Why?" If he could keep her talking for long enough, maybe someone, just one cat could live to keep alive the clan. But she must have immediately sensed his intentions; he didn't have to look to know that they were surrounded by cats, more of the dark intruders than he had ever seen before._

 _"We are the Shadows of Midnight." she breathed. "And you must leave this forest now, before it is too late."_

 _Her ominous words sent a shiver up the tom's spine, but still, he continued. "And you make the same mistakes as the cats who drove you out. I know who you are, Silver, and what you've done. And I know that you once had a heart of gold before the shadows swallowed you. I know that you are strong enough to break free."_

 _"I am not Silver any more," she hissed, unsheathing her claws and digging them into the earth. "I am not one of the cats who stayed. I am not one of the cats who betrayed us, leaving me to raise my kit alone." Her words were deathly calm now, somehow. And it only made the tom even more afraid._

 _"And you raised her to what? This?"_

 _She hissed, and the cats around her moved in closer. "Leave. Leave now and no blood shall be shed."_

 _He raised his head and met her gaze. Their eyes locked together - one pair of vicious amber, another of defiant gold. Then the moment was past and he spoke._

 _"Never."_

I wake, shivering, to the cold, grey light before dawn. Flame is still asleep in her nest, as are the two medicine cats. I wonder if Timberfur has got her medicine cat name already or whether she used to be a warrior. She seems more like a young apprentice than a fully-trained healer, and her name seems more warrior-ish too.

My dream is already fading - the memories reside just outside my reach. Lingering impressions of a dark, shadowy forest slip away, and I've forgotten it all.

It can't have been important, then. But I don't think I liked it, all the same.

As the sun begins to rise, I have time to think. I might have had moons to dwell on life when I was injured, but I have much more to consider now. Was going to RiverClan reckless? Too reckless?

Do I even care?

I've changed. In twelve moons I've made so many choices that I cannot go back. If Rowanlily met me now, would she recognise me as her sister? Or would she see a different cat - the one that ran, betraying her trust and leaving her alone?

I ran so quickly that I never thought of what I would leave behind.

 _But I gained so much,_ I think, as Flame rolls over in her nest. _A new friend, and a new freedom. And the lies of my life are beginning to unravel, if only I can face the truth._

I don't let my thoughts turn to what I have lost.

Rushingreed wakes early, checks my wounds and then lets me clamber to my paws for the first time in a long night. Slowly, I stumble my way to the clearing, then stop, gazing at it in awe.

It's no bigger than the ThunderClan camp, but much more beautiful. The clearing is of soft grass, and a small stream flows into a pool, the highrock and den beside it. The nursery and elder's den, obvious from appearance, are side by side, well sheltered from the rain. Even from here, I can see the shells on the nursery, and I smile, knowing that the younger kits would love the pretty things.

Two large kits play in the pool, practising their swimming - and splashing each other whenever their mother looks away. An elder - or maybe just a senior warrior - lies on the rocks beside them, warming himself in the sun and glaring at two wrestling apprentices whenever they come near. The camp is alive, and it's now I realise how much I've missed living in a clan. Maybe, just maybe, I could have a new life here.

No. I can't. I won't put anyone through the lies I have been told.

He said that he loved me. He said that he would never, _never_ let me go.

I should have guessed from that statement alone that we weren't meant to be.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" I hadn't noticed Timberfur come up beside me. "We all look after each other and the clan - and this is why."

"Flame will love this," I say. "She'll never want to leave." And maybe she never will. I can only hope that this is the place for her. She could bring up her kits here. They would be safe, and happy, and so would she.

"And what about you?" Her voice is soft and concerned.

What can I say? It reminds me too much of the place that I ran from, of _home_. It reminds me too much of what I have lost.

"It's amazing. But I- I can't." It's impossible to explain. I can't. _I can't._

"You can always tell me, you know," she meows gently. "I don't know what happened, but you shouldn't beat this weight alone."

"I'm sorry," I say. "I owe you so much already. But my best friend is bearing the kits of a cat that tried to kill us just yesterday. I need some time."

"I understand," she says.

 _You don't. But when - when and not if - the truth comes out about who I am, then maybe you will. You haven't heard Shadewhisper. He hasn't had time to poison you with his lies._

Is my whole existence a web of lies? Or is there some truth in there that I haven't yet found?

I don't know who my parents are, for StarClan's sake! My ' _mother_ ' told me herself that she didn't give birth to us! What am I supposed to believe?

 _Nothing. Nothing at all._

* * *

"So, do you recognise this?" Timberfur snags a hairy-leaved plant with small, blue star-shaped flowers.

"Borage leaves," I answer immediately. "It brings down fever when chewed and eaten."

 _I'm pregnant._

 _I'm pregnant._

 _No._

 _It can't be._

 _Yes._

 _I'm pregnant._

 _Borage leaves. We're talking about borage leaves._

"Yep!" Timberfur puts it down. "But did you know that it helps increase a queen's supply of milk?"

The number of herbs these cats know amazes me - the moment I saw the neat piles of leaves I had to learn what they were. But there are no herbs to reverse time. And even if I could get rid of the kits inside me, I wouldn't.

I love them. They might be his, but they'll never meet their father.

They're my kits. And I'll never let them go.

"Flame?" Timberfur's soft voice brings me back to reality, and I squint at the plant she shows me.

"A dried oak leaf?" I ask, confused. "What does that do?"

"They stop infections," Timberfur replies, and I can hear a slight smugness to her voice. Finally, someone who knows less than she does.

I wonder how long she has been a medicine cat apprentice. She seems about the same age as Rushingreed, but from what I understand, she was a warrior first.

"Thyme is for shock," I meow, recognising the scent before she picks it up. She holds up another. "And catmint is for greencough."

I rolled into a patch of catmint when Olly almost killed me - for the first time, that is. Whenever I see it now, all I can think of is lying in the grass, bloody, dying, alone...

 _I'm pregnant. With his kits..._

Timberfur holds up the next plant, and I almost manage to smile, glad to have something to distract me. "Horsetail - treats infection." I used the tall plant lots when Fallenbreeze's shoulder was at its worst.

"Are there any plants you don't recognise?" she asks, her eyes sparkling with annoyance.

"I've never come across those before," I say, pointing with my tail to a ball of cobweb. "What's that for?"

She rolls her eyes. "No, seriously. You know a lot for a loner."

I shrug. It still hurts my shoulders - and probably will for days more. "I guess. But we have to look after ourselves for most of our lives, so we do learn."

"So what are you going to do when you're old, and you can't catch prey for yourself any more?" Her words are curious, but I know the underlying meaning of her question.

And I avoid it. "Well, why else would I bring up and care for troublesome kits that are nothing more than a nuisance?"

She laughs. "Come on," Timberfur beckons, padding outside of the den. "It's stuffy in here, and you could do with a bit of exercise."

Slowly, I clamber to my paws, ignoring my throbbing wounds. It feels great to move again, even if I'm slower than a great, big, lumbering badger - as I'm sure Fallenbreeze, still in her nest, is just longing to point out.

I barely notice the beauty of the clearing. All I can think of are the tiny bodies inside me. I can almost imagine I can feel them moving, but it's just wishful thinking - I never felt anything before I was told.

I still can't believe it. I'm pregnant.

 _With_ his _kits._

I sigh, just wishing it had been different. But then I wouldn't be here now. I might not have met Fallenbreeze, or ever discovered RiverClan. I've gained much more than I've lost.

 _But was it really worth it?_

"Flame?" Rushingreed suddenly appears, shooting a glare at his apprentice. "Are you alright? You should go back in now - it's good for you to have a little fresh air, but you shouldn't be out for long."

My aching paws carry me the few steps back to my nest, and I sit patiently while he checks my wounds. He steps back, but before he can speak to Timberfur, I speak. "So what's it like being a medicine cat?"

"It's amazing," she meows, shooting me a grateful glance. Reluctantly, Rushingreed moves over to Fallenbreeze. "I get to help my clanmates every minute of every day. I don't have to fight, and I don't have to feel hostile to the other clans. I can speak with StarClan, and I have different rules to follow than everyone else. I have to cope with him, of course," she adds, indicating to her mentor, "but it's worth it."

"So why did you become a warrior first?" I ask, speaking my thoughts out loud. "That is what you meant, isn't it?"

"This furball was in the way," she replies good-naturedly. Rushingreed grunts, but he's smiling. "I couldn't ask to be a medicine cat apprentice when another was being trained. I tried to be the best warrior I could, but it wasn't right. A few moons after Mapletree - Rushingreed's mentor, that is - died, I was injured and stayed in the medicine den for almost half a moon. He asked me if I wanted to be his apprentice afterwards, and I said yes."

I can't think of much else to say, so I smile. "That's great!"

"I know. It's a pity that you can't..." She trails off, concern clouding her gaze.

"What?" I ask, confused. But I think I already know the answer. She's told me a lot about the ways of the clan already. And she always specified warriors when the conversation turned to queens.

"Medicine cats aren't allowed to have a mate or kits," she says softly.

I can see why she didn't finish the sentence.

"Don't you want a mate?" I ask her. "Don't you want to bring up kits and love them, and care for them?"

"Yes. But I can't and I won't."

She changes the subject, pulling out an unfamiliar herb from the store.

"I don't know," I say, squinting at it. "I've never seen that before."

But what's the point of learning herbs when I can't be a medicine cat? I don't want to be a warrior, fighting needless battles, or just a queen, staying in the nursery and helping the kits when the mothers go back to their duties. I want to help. But I can't be a medicine cat. All because of _him_.

It's not my fault that I'm expecting kits. It's not my fault.

Why should I be punished for something I didn't do?

I don't know whether to believe in the clan of stars Timberfur has explained to me. But it seems so real that I cannot think otherwise. As a medicine cat, I would be able to talk to them. I would have the clan's ancestors send me signs and spirits walk in my dreams.

But now, I will never.

Later, when night has fallen and I'm curled up in my nest, the others fall silent. I begin to sob, hoping that I will eventually be carried to sleep.

* * *

 **How do you like chapter 5? What do you think of Fallenbreeze's dream? Do you enjoy Flame's point of view? What do you think Flame will do? Will she stay in RiverClan, or leave to bring up her kits alone? Does the unknown point of view at the beginning shed any light on the white tom from the previous chapter?**

 **If you're enjoying this, please favourite, follow or review!**

 **On another note, I am currently about to go on holiday - I will have no wifi and will not be updating during this time. I don't know when I will be back, but it'll probably be August 18-24th. Sorry for the short notice!**

 **Thanks for reading,**

 **~ Fire & Bright ~**


	7. Chapter 6 - Fallen

"We can heal her."

"We can protect her."

"We can help her at the same time as saving ourselves."

"We can do this."

"We can do that."

 _If she wasn't my mother, I'd kill her._

 _Now I know what she's going through. She trusted him like I trusted her._

 _She lied. They both did._

 _They have fallen. Fallen from the cats we thought they were._

 _So why is it us who drown in a black wave of lies?_

* * *

Dreams haunt me through the night. I see Shadewhisper, turning on me, slashing at my throat. And then Fallenbreeze, dragging a red body across unfamiliar ground, blood in her fur. Me, running, Shadewhisper behind me, skidding on the edge of a cliff that I don't recognise, with no options but to fight or fall...

They seem so real that I wake, shivering, before the sun has began to rise.

They say that in the morning, you see things in a different light. But it doesn't matter when I wake - I still see Shadewhisper, pinning Fallenbreeze down, blood dripping from his fangs.

And I see him as he was in my dream, standing over me, poised to kill.

Why did he do that to her? Why did he do that to _us_?

But if Fallenbreeze was telling the truth, why did she run away? Why did she leave the clan and never come back when we could have proved her innocence?

She may have been in shock and her life may have been turned the wrong way round, but she didn't have the right to leave me to clear up the tangled strings of her life - and her heart - that were left behind.

When she ran - well, what can I say? Brackencloud had had doubts about his innocence. Littletail, my old apprentice, was the one who persuaded - no, _ordered_ \- Froststar to hold the trial. It was still held at moonhigh that night. I remember it, but not clearly, as if someone had dropped a pebble into a pool of water. Rippled and distorted, but branded in my mind like an endless, raging fire of shadowed light.

 _Basically_ , as Fallenbreeze would have said, _it makes no sense whatsoever_.

"She's gone." It had been Littletail that noticed first.

"Gone?" Shadewhisper had yowled, looking at him in disbelief. "What do you mean, gone?"

"She's not here. Rowanlily says she left for a moment, but never came back."

He had turned to me, his eyes blazing with anger. Snarling, he had pushed his muzzle towards my face. "Where did you take her, traitor? What did you do?"

Froststar had stood, unmoving, on the highrock above the clearing. There had been no point looking to her. She didn't believe me. She didn't care.

"I'm not a traitor." My voice had been cold. "We will hold the trial now, with or without Fallenbreeze."

Froststar had given a tiny nod, small enough that I had dismissed it as my imagination. But now, I think she had been looking at me. Looking at me and seeing the power I didn't want lying in my paws.

Then she had called the clan together, and they had talked.

 _They_. For while they talked of the fate of my sister, I could not be, and would not be, one of them.

I don't want to remember. I don't want to recall the accusations, the whispers of ' _traitor_ ', ' _murderer_ ' and ' _betrayed us_ ' that, after a full cycle of the seasons, have never truly gone away.

But the end of the meeting is clear in my mind. Our leader had leaped down from the highrock, her face stern. "You will not chase after her," Froststar had ordered. "She has faced punishment worse than we can imagine - she has exiled herself."

Raising her voice, she had addressed the clan. "From sunrise tomorrow, if Fallenbreeze is found on our territory, you have permission to chase her off. Tell her that she has been exiled, and that she will no longer be welcome here. If she comes back after that," she had meowed grimly, "you may take her prisoner or kill her."

Shivering, I make my way towards the apprentices' den.

Brightpaw is awake. Already, she knows my pawsteps from another, and I don't have to even stick my head in before she joins me outside.

"Dawn patrol?" she asks sleepily. "Or are we training?"

"Neither," I reply, explaining what Froststar had ordered me to do. She listens carefully, but when I've finished she shakes her head.

"He wouldn't dare do anything to you - everyone would know it was him. Just hunt, bring back a nice catch, and hope Froststar doesn't make you speak to him again."

However comforting her words might be, I find it hard to believe them. "But if he injures me then everyone would think I was just trying to stir up trouble." My voice is bitter, and anger is beginning to build up inside me. _Why does everything have to be so difficult?_

"Every evil has a motive," she mews gently. "What motive would he have for hurting you?"

"What motive did he have for hurting Fallenbreeze, then?" I ask mockingly, something flashing in my yellow eyes. "Why did he try to kill her?"

Sensing it, the calico apprentice takes a small step back. "Isn't this the perfect time to ask?"

I ignore her. "Why do you think he did that then, Brightpaw?" I hiss. "You know everything, don't you? You should be able to figure it out, because you _just don't care_!" She takes another step back, her eyes wide and her fur rising. "This is _real_!" I throw all my anger into those three words. Everything. Every moment I stood calmly, trying to defend my sister from accusations that I knew were false, but the clan wouldn't listen; every time I passed Shadewhisper and wanted to sink my claws into his neck; every moon that passed while I wished she was with me and every second of every day that I felt alone.

"My sister was nearly killed!" I yowl. "Shut up and let the warriors who understand deal with it! Shut up and leave me alone!"

Breathing heavily, I turn around towards the forest. Anywhere but here. Anywhere but here. "This isn't one of your nursery games anymore, Brightpaw," I growl. And I leave her standing, shocked, in the middle of the clearing as I duck into the warriors den and pretend to sleep.

Alone.

No one bothers me - either they're asleep or they heard us and decided to stay away. But once I've finished shredding the moss to bits with my claws, I'm not sure I'll need Shadewhisper to kill me.

Did I really say that to Brightpaw? Was I really that arrogant, that conceited, that _stupid_?

 _Please, StarClan, let her forgive me. If you're really watching over me, then let things work out._

It's Fallenbreeze's voice that speaks to me now, saying the words that I can't accept.

 _I'm sorry, Rowanlily. But this is a journey you will have to face alone._

Once Shadewhisper pads out of the den, I rouse, joining him in the clearing. He moves towards the fresh-kill pile, but I stop him with my tail. "We hunt first. Then we eat."

He shoots me a glare as I walk into the forest, leaving him to follow behind.

A scrawny vole is an easy catch, but the grey tom appears dragging a squirrel across the ground. Needless to say, it does nothing to improve my mood.

"So, hunting with the deputy?" he smirks, looking at my catch with scorn. "What an honour."

I'd forgotten just quite how arrogant he was. I have been avoiding him for a whole season cycle, after all.

"Of course," he continues, purposely cracking a twig with his foot, "you've always been the most clumsy hunter."

Don't forget conceited.

"It's a pity your sister is dead. Maybe together you could have caught enough to feed one of the elders."

And _stupid_.

It is taking all my self control to stop myself from launching myself right at his stupid face. But I'm deputy - what would it look like if I attacked him now? If only the clan could see this side of him. They haven't, though. Not a single warrior has caught a glimpse of the would-be murderer I see now.

Only me.

Ignoring him, I look around for more prey. All my energy is gone. I don't have the willpower to talk back.

Suddenly, he stops. Shadewhisper freezes, tasting the air, and I can see an echo of terror in his eyes.

"What?" I sneer, forgetting myself in my anger. "Mouse got your tongue?"

I don't smell the badger until it's too late.

* * *

The next day, Rushingreed clears me of injury. I hunt alone, turning down the offer of a patrol as politely as I can. I have a purpose, somewhere. My fate will lead me where it must - but I will be alone.

"I think I'm going to leave today, if that's alright with RiverClan," I meow later, sorrow in my voice, but a new energy in my paws. "I'll never be able to thank you enough, but my future doesn't lie here."

He touches noses with me. "Now?" He trust me already. Love, and hope, and trust, however beautiful, can break your hearts at any turn.

"As the sun sets," I answer. "I would like to thank Lichenstar - unless she's busy - and I need to say goodbye."

"I'll ask her," Tinderfur meows, disappearing from the den.

"What about Flame?" Rushingreed asks, his eyes darkening for a moment. I'm not sure why, but I can guess.

"I think she'll be much happier here."

Lichenstar had seen us before, last night. I saw both shock and recognisation flash across her face when she looked at me, and I think I owe her an explanation.

"Come in," the tabby leader calls, and I obey.

"Please sit down, Fallenbreeze." Fallenbreeze. Not Breeze. Hearing only a hint of cold in her voice, I do.

"What would you like me to explain?"

"Everything." Her grey, almost silver eyes bore into me as I begin.

"Shadewhisper was a nice tom as an apprentice - always good at hunting and fighting and training in general, but after his warrior ceremony I began to look at him in a different way.

"He never seemed to take an interest in me, until, one day, he suddenly appeared to like me back. I guess I was too blinded by love to think he could be anything else than what he said he was. We were mates when, on a hunting patrol together, he turned and attacked me.

"He was about to kill me when Rowanlily - my sister - appeared and he ran. But he got back to the clan first, and spun a story about me trying to attack him, not the other way around."

Lichenstar raises her tail slightly and I quiet immediately. "I could understand that if Rowanlily hadn't seen you, but with two witnesses?"

"Have you heard him speak?" I ask.

"Yes - when he spoke in the gathering. He did seem very believeable, I guess, but wouldn't the clan want to know your opinion?"

"His story fit with Rowanlily's. He simply implied that she had seen it from a different perspective, and she had nothing to put against him."

The RiverClan leader nods.

"Froststar was fair. Even though she believed him, she was going to have a trial for me that night. But I couldn't cope, and I ran. I never went back to ThunderClan; not that I could. Flame found me and healed me - I spent four seasons recovering from my torn shoulder. And then here I am now."

"When he attacked you, did he tell you anything about why?"

I shake my head.

Her face softens. "I'm sorry, Fallenbreeze, but I can't tell anyone about this, even if I do believe you. It wouldn't do any good to say that we were sheltering a rogue and I never told the clan."

I never expected anything else. "I know."

"So you're leaving tonight?"

I nod. "If you don't mind. But I can't thank you enough, Lichenstar, for all you've done."

"Don't thank me," she replies. "Thank RiverClan. Thank our ancestors for the rules they layed down, many seasons ago."

"May StarClan light your path, Lichenstar."

"And may they light yours."

With a respectful nod, I pad back towards the medicine den. Tinderfur greets me as I pass, but I don't return her smile. "I'm going to tell Flame," I meow, and she nods.

"Fallenbreeze?" Flame stands as she sees me, weak, but healing fast. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," I tell her. "But I'm going to leave."

"Tomorrow?" she asks, then continues with a yowl, not waiting for a reply. "No! You can't leave me, Fallenbreeze!"

"I'm sorry," I say, sitting beside her. I'm not going to correct her assumption yet. "But I have a destiny elsewhere. You can be happy here, Flame. You can raise your kits and become a fine warrior. You can, but I can't."

She only looks at me, the hurt obvious in her eyes.

"May StarClan walk your path, Flame."

"There's no point me replying, is there? Your destiny is beyond StarClan's powers. Your path is too far for the whole of StarClan to walk, yet you insist on taking your fate alone." She snarls at me, and I instinctively shrink back into a defensive crouch. "No, Fallenbreeze. I will be with you, every step of the way."

She knows. She knows more than I do.

I used to be fearless, I guess. I only realise that now. But I'm not anymore.

I am afraid.

I pad out to where Tinderfur is still standing, watching the sun sink slowly below the horizon. "Flame thinks I'm leaving tomorrow." She doesn't reply. "But she won't let me go."

For a while, the warrior says nothing. Then, "It's your choice."

"I'll leave when she's asleep." The words stick in my throat, and guilt swells up inside me. _What are I doing? "_ Her destiny is here."

"Just be careful, Breeze. Your destiny is yours, and yours alone. The path is in front of you, but that doesn't mean you have to take it. Don't let your fate swallow you up - you may never come back."

I sit beside her, watching as the sun sets. Blue slowly turns to pink, orange, red, and then black, and the stars appear. Darkness surrounds them, but their light never wavers.

Hope is always there.

When Flame is asleep, I say my goodbyes and thanks to the cats that looked after me and healed me, despite having no debts to pay back. My friend's breathing is steady, and her sleep seems undisturbed.

"I'm sorry, Flame," I whisper. "You'll probably hate me when you find that I am gone.

"I wish that things were different. I wish I could have known you better. I wish that I could stay with with you now, or that you could come with me. But it won't happen.

"I would wish that you were happy, but I can't do that now. What I can do is change your future. RiverClan can make you happy, Flame, and that's all I want for you to be.

"I hope your kits will be strong warriors, and that you will be too, even if you can't be a medicine cat. I wish I could have seen them. I hope that you will live a long, happy life here. I hope that one day, you will forgive me.

"You were a brilliant friend, Flame." This is hard. This is harder than anything I've ever done. "You were the best friend any cat could ever hope for. You saved my life, and I never did anything in return. I don't deserve you, Flame, and now I'm leaving you. I guess I'm no better than anyone, really. Not you, not Rowanlily, not even him.

"I love you, Flame," I choke out. "But I have to go."

It feels like I'm tearing at my own throat. Love can be everything you ever wanted. But love can destroy you. Love can shatter your heart into a thousand tiny pieces and leave them scattered on the ground. I would know.

But I'll always fight harder for what I have lost than I will for what I have won.

"Goodbye, Flame," I whisper as I pad away. And as I follow the river towards the edge of RiverClan territory, I can almost swear I saw a golden-amber light in the darkness, gazing at me for a moment before it faded into the night.

* * *

 **Finally, chapter 6! Sorry for the delay - I went on holiday to Italy and I was too busy have a great time to write.**

 **So, what did you think of the unknown point of view at the top? Do you like the cliffhanger? Did anybody notice that Rowanlily describes herself as being arrogant, conceited and stupid to Brightpaw, and then repeats the same words in the same order when speaking about Shadewhisper? It's just a little foreshadowing for what will come...**

 **I don't know about you, but I think Fallenbreeze is getting more and more interesting the more I write about her. I'm beginning to explore her character a bit more now, but there are still many secrets that I still don't know.**

 **Quick Poll: Who's your favourite character so far and why? I think I'll have to say Fallenbreeze, for the same reasons I've put above.**

 **Thanks for reading,**

 **Fire & Bright**


	8. Chapter 7 - Gone

_She's coming closer, and I can't stop her._

 _She's coming closer, and all I can do is help her come._

 _She's coming closer,_

 _And I can do nothing._

 _Nothing but watch, and hope._

 _Watch, and hope that she never finds her way._

* * *

I throw myself to the side as the lumbering beast attacks. Beads of blood form where the claws grazed my skin, and, helpless, I can only gaze up at it in terror.

 _StarClan, please!_

Shadewhisper strikes the badger on the nose but it only bats him away before turning back to me. I don't shrink back into the ground; instead I dart underneath it, scrambling to my paws to face the challenge ahead.

I run.

Ignoring Shadewhisper, it swings its head towards me and gives chase. It is slower than me but deadly, and I can see Shadewhisper hesitate, his paws facing towards me but his eyes elsewhere. _He would leave me,_ I realise, dread weighing down my paws. _He would leave me 'to fetch help', but by the time it came, it would be too late._

And he does.

Brambles catch onto my pelt and trees roots make me stumble as I pass. My heart pounds loud enough for the whole lake to hear. I yowl for help, hoping that someone - _anyone_ \- will save me.

But nobody comes.

Knowing every pawstep (or so I like to think) of ThunderClan's land, I turn to the beast behind me. The striped face narrows into a pointed muzzle of black and white. It's eyes are small, but filled with ferocious anger. Anger that might just end my life.

It doesn't get more terrifying than this. A chase to the end. A chase to my death.

The border is only a little way ahead, and I'll clear that in seconds. I can just feel my instincts taking over - my desire to survive overflowing anything else I could feel.

Pity. Mercy. Happiness and joy.

 _Nothing_.

Nothing but the same words over and over, inside my head, thought to the unrelenting rhythm of my heart. _I don't want to die._

 _I don't want to die._

A full patrol of warriors has a hope against a badger. Alone, I can only run - run as fast as I can until I can run no more.

Fallenbreeze was always the fastest - that's what she was named for. But even outrunning this badger would be no good. I need to get back to the ThunderClan camp to survive - the hollow already far behind me, with a deadly beast in my way.

I need to. But all I can do is run until Shadewhisper's help comes.

 _Or doesn't._

I leave the territory behind, my paws barely skimming the grass. The unfamiliar ground beneath me does nothing to help my speed; the badger, however, seems to be in its home territory.

But then it slows, dropping further and further behind. I turn to look, hardly daring to hope that I might live.

No.

I stop.

The ground in front of me slopes away towards a ravine, higher than I've ever seen before.

All the hope I never had drains from my body as I turn to face the badger. It knows as well as I do that I'm trapped. There are no trees to climb. There is no path to take.

There's nowhere I can go. There's nothing I can do.

Fight or flight?

Well, now the question is pretty literal.

But I'm going to go down fighting. Fighting the same way I always have.

For my clan. For my sister.

For everything.

With a yowl, I leap for the badger, twisting at the last moment so that its claws rake empty air. Aiming a heavy blow to its shoulder, my claws snag in its flesh and I can't pull away, even when it, roaring in pain, lashes out with its claws unsheathed.

Then it hits my eye and my world explodes with pain.

I see nothing more through the red haze that clouds my mind. I remember ripping my claws through flesh and fangs buried deep in my shoulder. I remember a grey shape streaking towards me, and a group of cats helping me slowly make my way towards the camp.

I remember agony, and then nothing more.

I remember reaching camp, speaking despite the injuries I had. I remember shadows, and I remember light. I remember yowling with anger and bitter fear. I remember running from everything I used to have.

Dreams take me, and I fall willingly into the darkness.

* * *

 _Brightpaw stands near the entrance to the clearing, but as soon as she sees me, she stiffens and pointedly looks away._

 _I take a step towards her. "Brightpaw, I'm-"_

 _"Don't say that you're sorry!" she hisses, her hackles rising. "You're not! I'm sorry, Rowanlily, but I'm not your sister. I'm not Fallenbreeze! And it's not my fault that you only like me because I remind you of her!"_

 _"What? No!" I protest, flinching at her stony glare. "I-"_

 _"You can yowl apologies all you want, but I don't care." She turns away. "This isn't one of your nursery scuffles anymore, Rowanlily."_

No. It isn't.

 _Hearing my words thrown back against me is horrible, but I can't give up. "I-"_

 _"It's not all about you!" she yowls. The few cats who were pretending not to listen have now turned their faces in our direction. "The world doesn't revolve around you, Rowanlily! Worse has happened than a gouged-out eye! Worse has happened that one cat dying! All four clans had to leave their territory once, and you know what? They survived! Fallenbreeze is dead, but it's about time you accepted it!"_

 _"_ She's. Not. Dead. _" I hiss, digging my claws into the ground. I saved her. I saved her from him the first time, and I will save her a million times over if it means she survives._

 _"Go." It's as if she doesn't hear me. "Just go away."_

 _I do. I turn and pad away, leaving the clan staring after me. And then I run. From her. From Shadewhisper. From everything._

 _I guess I can't hide from my past any longer._

 _No. Our past._

 _I've never felt so alone. Not when my sister was trapped under Shadewhisper's claws. Not when Fallenbreeze left the clan forever._

But unlike before _, I think, limping over the border,_ I don't care.

 _I don't look back._

* * *

I wake.

The pain is gone.

I open my eyes to a starlit night.

Something seems strange.

Wrong.

I pad out into the moon's silver light.

And then I realise.

My wounds are gone.

I can see with two eyes.

I can walk without pain.

But only one thought burns itself in my mind.

And I fear it.

I fear it with all I have left, if anything at all.

Not a thought.

A question.

 _Am I dead?_

* * *

What can I say?

Oh, hi, I'm Brightpaw. My mentor has abandoned me and her post as deputy because she was attacked by a badger (which - stupidly and possibly fatally - she didn't spend a single night in the medicine den for) and I'm not going to become a warrior in the next moon, after all.

My leader hates me because she blames me for Rowanlily's departure - and the thing is, I agree with her. My mother always favoured Hailkit, but now they're both dead, that doesn't make much of a difference. The other apprentices are littermates and I'm moons older than them. I have no one who just loves me.

And then there's Shadewhisper.

Yep. I can say all that, and more. But I won't.

I've tried to put up with it all - I really have. But I can't anymore. I just can't.

It's not fair. Why can't _I_ have some good luck, for a change?

No. I don't think Brackencloud's going to appreciate that for an answer, either.

"I'm fine," I say eventually. I'm fed up of lying, but there's nothing else to say. "I am, Brackencloud, really."

"Okay, Brightpaw." He sighs. "But don't leave camp," the medicine cat warns, his voice low. "You may want to go after your mentor, but there's a badger out there, and you won't do anything good if you're lying in the medicine den for a moon."

 _I know!_ I nod, struggling to keep myself calm. _Why does everyone think that I'm going to run after my mentor? I don't care! If she wants to leave then she can leave!_

I don't mean that. My paws are itching to get out of camp and find her, and I want her back. I want her to be safe and happy, with or without me.

But I'll never let myself admit that. So it's fine.

It's been a whole day since she disappeared, and no one knows where she went. But everyone knows that it was my fault. _Yeah, right._ It's not like I chased her off the territory with claws unsheathed. And even if it is, I don't remember anyone blaming Shadewhisper when Fallenbreeze ran.

Of course, I wasn't alive then. But that's not the point.

No one takes me on a patrol - Froststar avoids my gaze entirely - and even though no one orders me to do anything, boredom soon brings me to my paws. Our leader still hasn't appointed a new deputy, even though moonhigh has passed and we're sure Rowanlily won't be coming back. I might as well do something useful. I am still an apprentice, after all - no thanks to her.

I can see Brackencloud's eyes narrow as I leave the camp, but he turns back into his den when I appear again, a bundle of dry moss hanging from my jaws. I pad towards the elders, hoping that Bluetail will stop her moaning for just one night. Of course, that's about as likely as someone's mate turning on them, trying to kill them and then spinning a story so that their mate is exiled, not them. And with the recent events, we're going to need to add in a sister, her apprentice and a badger attack in, too.

Sadly, Bluetail is as annoying as usual. I know she's an elder, and she's served the clan for seasons etc etc but can't she be quiet just for one day?

I nod to Volepelt as I enter, sorting through the moss like I have done many times before. The brown tom only retired recently, and I think he finds it as hard to put up with Bluetail as I do. He might just be the only cat prepared to talk to me, really. It makes me wonder what he thought when Fallenbreeze ran.

"Blasted ticks," he grumbles, and I can scent the mouse bile from the entrance of the den. Luckily for me, I won't need to do that duty today.

"You think your ticks are bad?" This is Bluetail, the grumpiest (and oldest) cat in the clan. "Blasted ticks, you say? Well, I think you should try being in my position! Damp moss, leaking den, aching joints - well, I wouldn't be complaining if I were you!"

"I remember when my apprentice was caring for Bluetail," he mutters to me. "Redfoot, that is. She was just as grumpy then as she is now."

"I heard that!" Bluetail yowls, but I can hear a hint of humour in her voice.

But my thoughts, however distracted, can't wonder from my mentor. An image of her, bloody and defeated, keeps swimming to the front of my mind, and I wince.

 _She was bleeding, with one eye gouged out and half a tail, and I hurt her so much that she ran._

 _I chased her away.  
_

* * *

 **My seventh chapter! What do you think?**

 **Did you like Brightpaw's point of view? I enjoy writing her a lot, actually, so you may see more of her in later chapters. And what do you think of what happened to Rowanlily? Is she really dead?**

 **What do you think is going to happen to Rowanlily? What do you _want_ to happen to Rowanlily?**

 **Thanks for reading,**

 **~ Fire & Bright ~**


	9. Chapter 8 - Promised

_Nothing._

 _No signs._

 _No omens._

 _No prophecies._

 _Nothing._

 _Is this the darkness we've been waiting for?_

* * *

I make good progress, sleeping peacefully in the hollow of a tree just outside of RiverClan territory. The full moon lights my way, waking me up before dawn to continue my journey.

Ever since I left RiverClan, I've been feeling lighter on my paws. I've been feeling more alive. I can only hope and trust in myself and StarClan that I will know the way.

I know I have somewhere out there that I am meant to be. And I will find it, even if I have to sacrifice everything to get there.

No. I wouldn't sacrifice my sister. Not for anything.

I think, after a moon, I realised that the worst thing about my exile was not that Shadewhisper had betrayed me. It was that I could never go back.

I might never see her again - not even in death. But StarClan are still with me, I'm sure.

 _I hope._

The sun begins to rise as I reach the clearing that was once our temporary camp. We would lie in the sun over by the ferns and share prey on the shade of the holly bush. I remember the tunnel under the brambles that we discovered when Flame got stuck, her red fur tangled in the thorns.

But I also remember the kittypet, striding towards where we stood. And then the small white tom - the reason I'm here now.

He can't have appeared out of nothing, even if that is what it appeared to be. There must be some sign of him - some scent, some track or some trail. A piece of white fur caught on a thorn, or a used path that he could have come from.

But as I search, I begin to doubt it.

There's no scent and no tracks. There's no white fur caught on a thorn. No path that he could have sprang from or place he could have been.

Eventually, I give up. _There's nothing here. I can't waste time and energy searching for it._ My heart feels heavy, and bitter disappointment fills me. _Does this mean my quest is over before it's even started?_

 _It's almost as if he never existed,_ I think, my thoughts dull. _Maybe-_

My thoughts are interrupted by an amused purr from behind me. Instinctively I spin, dropping into a defensive crouch with my claws unsheathed.

Then I stop.

It's the white tom.

He's _here_?

There's a cocky grin on his maw and a twinkle in his eyes - a rare blue, I note, taking in the stranger. He's small, but strong, and seemingly light on his paws. When he speaks, moons of wisdom echo in his voice, but he doesn't look any older than me.

"Hey, Fallenbreeze."

Surprise freezes me for a moment, then I regain control. "How do you know my name?" I ask sharply, without sheathing my claws.

His answer is more confusing, not less. "How would I not?"

I won't let him waste my time with questions, so I say the first thing that comes to mind. Flame. "You saved her life."

He lashes his tail once, and I see anger flash across his eyes. "Yes, I saved her. I saved her, and I saved you."

I frown. "Me?"

"I would do it again," he meows, his voice gentle. "I would do it a thousand times over - after all, I have nothing to lose."

"There's always something to lose," I mew bitterly. "Always."

He has no reply.

When, minutes later, he turns, I only hesitate for a moment before I follow. Away from the barn, and the mountains, and the clans, and my past, and towards the shadows of the unknown.

We pad in silence, unanswered questions still hanging in the air between us. The moment I open my mouth to speak, he disappears, and I have to run to find him again. The sun is low in the sky by the time he stops, and even then it's just to hunt. He takes no food, no matter what I say to try and persuade him. I can only guess why.

"You will know where to go," he tells me when we reach the edge of the trees. Ahead of us lies a meadow of long grass and pretty flowers that I cannot name, stretching as far as my eyes can see.

"Follow the sunset and you will not fail."

He turns, and I can tell he will disappear - perhaps forever.

"Wait!" I call. There's so much he hasn't told me - and more that I would never dare to ask. "Tell me your name, at least!"

"Snow," he whispers. And then, like he appeared, he is gone.

He's left me, now. I have a choice. I can either go forward or turn back. I step into the meadow, but not without sparing a thought for all the cats I left behind.

There was Froststar, and Lightningfoot, two cats I will never be able to forgive. And my brother, the third, the newborn kits - one of which I could and would have mentored - Brackencloud and Mapletree, Featherfall of ShadowClan and Gorseshadow, her brother, Lichenstar, Rushingreed, Tinderfur - and Flame, beautiful, sweet Flame, everything she could have had taken from her and she never once complained.

Rowanlily. Strong, brave, proud and free, but never seeking power. Learning from the mistakes she makes instead of hiding them. Willing to pay any price as long as it was her who did. And being there for me. Always being there for me when I needed her, whatever the cost.

If only I could speak to her now. If only we could be together. If only I could know she was safe, and well, and happy.

I have so much to tell her. I have so much that I never had the chance to say.

But our fates are a journey we will have to face alone.

Somewhere out there, there is a tom who would be willing to save me thousands of times over just to keep me safe. Somewhere out there, there is a purpose for me. Somewhere out there, I will have a chance to be the warrior that I never got to be.

One chance is all it takes.

* * *

I sit, dazed, alone. I hardly dare to look around; the fear from what I might see is too strong.

I can't be dead.

I _can't_.

The pain is too much. I don't know what to do. I can do nothing - nothing, but pad towards the only hope I may or may not have.

My paws lead me towards where the moon's light reaches the ground. Shadows fall across my face, and I am as I always have been. One half in darkness, one half in light.

But after everything, I can no longer tell which is which.

Bitter anger swells up inside me, but not for Brightpaw. Not for the badger. Not for Shadewhisper.

This is nobody's fault but mine.

How could I be so stupid? How could I be so cruel? How could I possibly do everything that I have, and not know?

I have killed Brightpaw's heart, and taken everything away from her. I defended my sister with words, when I should have defended her with everything I had. I shunned Shadewhisper, never talking, never forgetting, knowing that it could lead to this.

I let Froststar down, and Lightningfoot, too. I turned my back on StarClan. I left my clan and everything, everything I'd sworn to protect. I promised. I made a promise that day, when my mentor said I was ready. And now I've broken it.

I don't deserve to go to StarClan.

I never will.

The beauty of the sunrise is something I'll never forget. When I turn, I see the forest I've always known, the place I grew up in, as a kit, an apprentice, a warrior, mentor, deputy - the place I could never abandon. And I see it with two eyes, two shining, golden eyes that cannot believe what they are seeing.

I don't know what has happened. I don't understand.

And I don't care.

I run towards the forest without hesitation. I thought I had lost everything. I thought I had lost everything that I had, but I was wrong.

I'm not foolish. I know everything comes with a price.

If I'm the one who pays, then I will.

 _Home._

You only truly know what it means when you lose it. Fallenbreeze would know that, and now, so do I. And I promise, I swear to StarClan on my life and home - if she ever comes back into my life, I will never let her go.

I promised.

And I won't forget.

Maybe I don't deserve to go to StarClan, but I do deserve to die. I deserve to be forgotten. I deserve to watch my friends walk without me. I deserve it.

But I'm here.

Nothing is ever fair. Nothing is ever simple. But I have lived.

My paws are as light as the sun and I reach the camp in what feels like nothing. My heart is soaring in the clouds, and I don't think anything could take me down.

I am wrong.

Before I reach the camp, I spot a flash of white in the corner of my eye. Turning, I see the shape of cat behind the bracken.

"Who is it?" I call. "It's me, Rowanlily!"

She steps into the open, and I grin.

"It's really you?" Brightpaw asks, wonder in her voice. "I- I thought you were dead!"

 _So did I. But I'm not. And now I truly understand joy._

But all I do is nod. "It's really me."

"I thought you were dead, Rowanlily. Never, and I mean never, do that to me again."

"I won't, Brightpaw," I meow softly. "Never again - I promise."

She presses her fur against mine, and she's warm, beautifully warm, and I breath in her scent, and nothing could be better in the whole world. And for just a moment, we stand together, mentor and apprentice as one, facing the wrath of the rising storm.

But the moment won't last.

"You're cold," she says, drawing back from me. "And your scent-"

"What?" I ask, curiousity changing to confusion and then fear. "What's wrong with my scent?"

"Your eye!" With a yowl of horror, she leaps away from me. "You- your eye- it can't be you- I knew it couldn't be-"

"Wait!" I call, surprised by the terror in my own voice. "I-"

"You're not Rowanlily," she hisses, and I take a step back. Her gaze hardens, and she snarls, sunlight glinting off her unsheathed claws. "You can't fool me."

Shock freezes me to the ground. I forgot about my injuries - and now my own apprentice doesn't recognise me. _She doesn't recognise me._

"Go from our territory, rogue," she yowls, and there is no trace in her voice of the Brightpaw I know and love. "Now, before it's too late!"

* * *

 **Rowanlily has died, but she still lives. Fallenbreeze has made her choice to keep moving forward instead of turning back. Doefall's prophecied darkness has come, and there is no one to save them.**

 **Now the story can truly begin.**

 **So, what did you think of chapter 8? Snow? Rowanlily's miraculous (or not, as she'll find later) recovery? Brightpaw?**

 **Thanks for reading,**

 **~ Fire & Bright ~**


	10. Chapter 9 - Next

_I walk among the cats I used to love, but now they don't love me back._

 _I talk to the stars that used to hate me, but now they don't think there's anyone left to hate._

 _Maybe there isn't._

 _But I still have hope. And while I have hope, I have strength. I can send one more sign. One last thing to save us._

 _I wish I could save her, but I understand now._

 _When you and everyone you've ever known are going to die, you don't have a choice._

* * *

Padding forward, I can't help but droop with exhaustion. Only two sunrises have passed since I began, and, already, I am losing faith. It's hard to believe everything that's happened - but, somehow, I do.

It's difficult to put one paw in front of another. In the space of one day, I left everything behind - and then, twelve moons later, I had a second choice. Could I really have turned back before? Could I have gone back to where I had been before?

No. But I could have said goodbye.

My short fur does nothing to protect me against the harsh leaf-bare wind. The cold season has come, and I'm not sure I can cope. I caught a whole squirrel yesterday, but the day before I only had a scrawny mouse.

Today I've got nothing, and, already, hunger is beginning to set in.

I've met no other cats on my travels so far - which is a miracle at least. I've walked so far that I would think my paws had fallen off. I never knew the world was this huge - but I don't think I'm halfway to where my journey ends.

I've been following the sunset. There's only so far you can go without wondering if your hope is setting, too.

I sigh, and a cloud of mist spirals through the air. When we were younger, me and Rowanlily would huff at each other all day, to laugh in delight when the smoke-like breath floated away.

We'll never do that again.

And there's more. My dreams have been disturbed, with whispers of sorrow and loss and hope, and one thing, over and over again.

 _She's coming. She_ has _to._

I still watch the same scenes in my head. The nightmares of the night he turned on me - and, recently, another, of Flame lying dead on the blood-soaked ground. But now I see visions of a silver cat and a forest in shadows.

How am I possibly meant to understand this? How is it possible for me to do this alone.

But still, I walk on. Past the meadow and the river that lay after it, through the forest and past the twolegplace. Now, I can only see fields and dotted twoleg dens, right to the horizon. But soon, or so I have to believe, I'll see something. Something that will tell me I am going the right way.

The sound of barking jolts me out of my thoughts. With a sharp yowl of panic, I search for somewhere to hide. _There_. I race across the field and scramble up a small oak; digging in my claws, I watch the dogs pass nearby and fade into the distance.

I sigh in relief. _Hopefully, they won't come back_.

Jumping down, I continue to walk along the endless land. My paws are scratched and sore, but I don't know where to find any dock leaves - I _think_ it's dock leaves that are good for treating sore pads - and I can only hope they will get better by themselves.

I twitch my ears before I slip through the hedge to the next field. I flick my tail as I do, realising with a pang of sorrow that there are no cats behind me to see the order.

There's a twoleg den at the side of this grassland. I move quietly, slipping through the long grass. This must be their territory; I don't want to be seen.

Suddenly, I burst onto a thunderpath - small, but busy. Cursing under my breath, I leap back just as a monster whizzes beside me, leaving my fur on end and smelly fumes hanging in the air.

I draw back as another roars past on the other side, hoping that they won't see me. _Stupid twolegs and their monsters,_ I think, watching as they thunder past. _Why can't they go somewhere else?_

There's another hedge opposite me, so as long as I move quickly I won't be seen. Not that the monsters would see me anyway - despite the eyes that glow at night, I still believe, unlike my clanmates, that monsters are completely blind.

A few more come past, some slower than others, and it is a while before I have the chance to cross. It is silent, and, with a quick glance each way, I leap across the thunderpath. The hot, hard surface does nothing to help my paws, but I reach the other side before the next monster roars past.

I bound through the hedge, and then I see what is on the other side.

That's not right.

That can't be right.

Hope swells in my heart for no longer than a moment; then, with the wind, it is swept away.

* * *

 _You're cold._

Yes, I am.

 _Your scent._

I thought I was dead, but I'm not. It was a miracle.

 _Your eye._

My injuries are healed. It was a miracle.

It was a miracle - not a curse.

Or so I thought.

"Brightpaw, listen to me." I plead, but I do not move. "You can't believe I'm a stranger, Brightpaw. I know your name. I look like me. I _am_ me."

"You can't be," she says, her voice rough but less cold. "She's dead. You can't be her. You're just a hallucination - or you're real, and you're a shadow of what you used to be."

"Maybe I am. But you can't chase me away, Brightpaw. I _know_ you. You would never."

For a moment, she hesitates, but when she speaks, my heart turns cold. "You may know me, but I don't know you."

Anger. Pure, bubbling anger. _No_. They can't.

Rage pulses through me, and I can almost feel myself shaking with anger. StarClan have taken my sister, my life and my home. They can't take Brightpaw from me too.

I won't let them.

 _I don't deserve to go to StarClan_ , I said. But now I don't _want_ to go to StarClan. I don't want to be one of them, sitting up there in a perfect world, tearing our lives apart.

"Get out of my way." For a moment, Brightpaw stands, stunned.

"Get out of my way," I repeat, my voice cold.

She moves.

I pad past her, but before I leave her, I speak again. "You tell no one," I growl softly. "You tell no one that we met now, or anything about my scent or my injuries. You say no more about the arguments we had before I ran. And hate me if you want."

As I head towards the camp, not far away, I turn again.

"I don't have to care."

When I see the bramble tunnel, I don't know what to think. Should I be happy and excited to be going back to my home? Should I be nervous about how the clan will react after Brightpaw barely recognised me? Should I be confused? Should I be afraid?

I don't know what I should feel. But all I do is an empty weight hanging in my heart.

I need to fall. I need to fall from the cat they think I am.

I need to tell them everything.

But I can't.

Because I don't know.

I don't know everything.

And it's killing me from the inside.

I can only hope that one day I will. One day, I will take control of my fate, and one day, I will live. One day, I will live my life.

But I have this cold suspicion that I've lived all I ever will.

I step inside, and watch the reaction.

Bluetail and Volepelt looked up and stare, leaving the half-eaten mouse on the ground beside them. Froststar freezes, blinking hard. Ashfern pauses where she stands, and even the playful young kits stop to look at me. Shadewhisper is the only cat to react, padding towards me with a purr that doesn't even sound forced. Instead, it sounds like he is relieved.

 _I must have made life hard for him, then,_ I think with satisfaction, _if he actually wants me back._

"Rowanlily?" Froststar's voice is small, and I can only guess what I've done to her. I ran away when she needed me most. I can't say I'm sorry, because it wouldn't mean enough. But I can stay with her for the rest of my life.

"Your- your eye..." Ashfern trails off, gazing in horrified fascination. "Your injuries - all of them..."

I struggle to keep my mew steady. "I don't know what happened," I say. "I have no idea. But I do know that I almost died, and now I'm alive. I do now that I can live."

Silence. Then, again, it is Shadewhisper who breaks it.

"We managed to chase the badger out of our territory," he mews. "It won't be coming back for a while."

I nod, but then the quiet settles back upon us again.

What can I say? I can't expect them to welcome me back.

Certainly not as their deputy.

"I'm sorry Froststar," I meow. "I've let you, and the whole clan down. I promise I'll never be so stupid again, but I can't expect you to forgive me."

She opens her mouth to speak, but I hold up my tail to silence her. "I'd like to resign as deputy of ThunderClan," I say clearly, letting my voice ring across the clearing. I'm pretty sure there are no specific words for this - and if there is, they will have been lost many generations ago - but I seem to already know what to say. "I respect you for this choice, but I do not believe I am ready to serve my clan in this position."

Shadewhisper looks shocked - truly shocked. I remember, once, although I don't recall when or why, him saying to me: "Ifyou expect nothing and everything then you will never be caught off guard." It seems I've managed to defeat him in my own little way, even if nobody else will ever understand.

This whole day seems surreal, and now is no different.

"StarClan, please recognise and respect my choice. I look to Froststar to lead the clan and choose another to lead with her."

It takes Froststar a moment to shake off her shock, but when she does, she steps forward. "Thank you, Rowanlily. Although you were deputy for less than a moon, you will be remembered and respected. I, too, say these words before StarClan so that they may respect and honour my choice. The next deputy of ThunderClan will be Shadewhisper."

He bows his head in respect. "Thank you, Froststar."

And as the rest of the clan watch in shock, I can only wonder.

 _What have I done?_

* * *

 **And, somehow, I have managed to finish chapter 9 on time. Only just, though!**

 **What do you think? Do you like the beginning of Fallenbreeze's journey? Do you think I wrote Rowanlily's scene well? I'm not so sure about that second one, but never mind...**

 **Another thing - there have been a few people (on here and Wattpad) who are confused and don't quite understand what is going on at some points. I apologise, but I don't plan on editing anything now. I can only try and explain - and promise that when I've finished this I will go through and smooth out every little thing you've pointed out. Keep reviewing!**

 **Thanks for reading,**

 **~ Fire & Bright ~**


	11. Chapter 10 - Light

_Moons pass quickly, it seems._

 _Moons in the darkness. Moons with no light._

 _But my kits are coming. I must be strong for them._

 _As strong as I can be when I know that, soon, my spirit will be lost forever._

* * *

It's a cat - a long-furred brown tabby with golden-yellow eyes. But this cat is a tom. This cat has a collar and a shorter tail. He's not Rowanlily, and I don't wish he was.

 _She's happy in ThunderClan,_ I tell myself. _I won't ever take her from her home, too._

But somehow, I'm not so sure. Whenever I think of her, I feel strangely empty inside, and I can't help but wonder if this is an omen.

 _Was I meant to go back? When Snow said I had a choice, it was a test, I'm sure - but did I pick the right answer?_

I can only hope.

The tom meows a friendly greeting, and I tear my attention back to now. "Hey! I'm Noah - what about you?"

"I'm Breeze," I reply, then immediately wonder why I'd said that. I guess Breeze is becoming my name more than Fallen ever was. "I'm on a journey to find-" Here, I break off. What _am_ I trying to find, exactly? What if I've already passed the place StarClan meant for me to go, and I didn't realise?

The kittypet doesn't seem to notice my stumbling; in contrary, his eyes light up and he exclaims in delight. "You're going on an adventure? That's amazing! Can I come too?"

I bite back the urge to sigh. Noah seems nice enough, but a plump kittypet is the least of my worries. I couldn't possibly let a twoleg pet come with me, even for little while - how would he possibly cope?

But what if StarClan have sent me a sign - with him? What if his uncanny resemblance to my sister means I should accept?

"Okay," I say finally, and he squeals with delight. "But only for a little while."

"I promise I'll be good!" he mews, "and I'll listen to you and I'll help you and I'll show you the best places to hunt and I won't talk to myself too often and I won't annoy you and-!"

"Don't your twolegs feed you?" I cut him off, confused.

"Yes," he mews, a little defensively, "but I do hunt sometimes, too!" I nod in approval, and he grins. "You're much nicer than that other cat - he just said no and stalked off! I still think-"

"Wait!" I yowl, a sudden urgency gripping me. "What other cat?"

"Didn't you pick up his scent?" he asks, puzzled. "He passed through here only yesterday. He said he was going somewhere, but I didn't get a chance to find out more."

My head spinning, I try not to snap at him. By the offended look on his face, I think I failed. "What did he look like?"

"A small, white tom," he says, "with blue eyes. Why? Do you know him?"

All my doubts about my journey are gone. Snow has passed this way. I must be on the right track.

"No," I reply to Noah's question. "Just interested."

"Okay!" He leaps into the air, pouncing in a pile of and trying to catch them as they scatter into the air. _They are beautiful,_ I admit, gazing at the browns and golds and reds that float through the air. But nothing beautiful is ever quite what it seems.

I nudge Noah, purring with amusement. It's been a long time since I've been able to simply forget and have fun, and I wouldn't take that from anyone. "Shall we go?"

He stops and the rest of the leaves settle on the ground. Bounding past me, he looks back with a cheerful yowl. "Well, come on!"

I am about to call for him to wait - how would he know where we are going? _But maybe he does._ If he _was_ sent by StarClan, which might even be possible, then he would already know.

I follow.

"So where did you come from?" Noah asks, leading me along the side of the thunderpath I just crossed. "How long have you been journeying for?"

"I come from a long way away," I begin, grinning at my new companion. "If you head this direction through the fields for long enough, you'll come to a-"

I stop. Noah, as naïve as he seems, has already been distracted. "Race you to the oak!" he calls, bounding away in the direction of a large, leafless tree in the distance. Laughing, I speed after him.

Something about this feels familiar. Closing my eyes, I remember a day, back when we were apprentices. Me, running - Rowanlily only just behind - crashing into the finish line we had set, and my sister, laughing, teasing me with a golden gaze that was purely hers. Not Flame's - she had a different kind of kindness, a sweet, kind generousity that would never leave a debt unpaid. But Rowanlily's, fierce and proud, willing to stand behind me for all we lived. Rowanlily was my sister, and I couldn't have been who I am with someone else.

That was when we were apprentices - back when we had nothing to worry about except who would catch the most, or win the mock battle, or climb the highest, or just how long we would have to rest together, sharing tongues in the light of the sun or moon until our mentors called us to train once more.

Back when Shadewhisper was just another tom. Back when ThunderClan was my clan. Back when we were together.

It seems so long ago now.

I stop beside the tree, waiting for Noah to catch up. When he does, he is panting, looking up at me with a smile.

I grin. "Most cats only challenge me to a race once."

"I can tell!" he gasps.

Poor kittypet. I'm the best of the fastest, and I'm not just boasting - it's true. He didn't have a chance.

As we continue, padding towards a forest far in the distance, I can't help but wonder how I survived travelling alone for so long. I've been lonely without anyone to speak to, but now I've found a friend.

I'm alive, and well. I have friends and cats who love me. I have a guide who will show me the way.

I guess life isn't quite so bad, after all.

* * *

The gathering seems strangely empty, although I'm not quite sure why. Cats from all clans mingle together, chatting and smiling in peace for one night. But with the exception of Bramblefern, chatting to a red she-cat I don't recognise - and the elders, gossiping as always - ThunderClan stand alone.

Is it us who won't talk to the other clans - or them who aren't talking to us?

Wearily, I sit. My eyes are drawn to the bottom of the tree where Shadewhisper sits, his chest puffed out with pride. _That could have been me,_ I think, but I don't feel bitter. Instead, I just feel grateful that I have no special duties to perform, not today, not tomorrow - not ever.

I was right when I said I wasn't meant for power. Or maybe it was just that I could never cope alone.

Either way, nothing good has come of it. You don't need your miracle until you've had your disaster. If I hadn't been attacked by the badger, then I wouldn't have needed to be brought back from the brink of death. And then my apprentice would know me. My apprentice wouldn't look at me and see no injuries that should have scarred me forever; scent no scent but the forest around and sense no warmth but her own.

Soon, the cats fall silent. Crowstar, with a nod from the other leaders, begins first.

"The prey is running well in ShadowClan," he meows. "We are pushing our apprentices hard so that they are ready to defend their clan with tooth and claw as they always have. ShadowClan also has a new warrior, Badgernight."

Brightpaw stands near me, chanting his name with little enthusiasm. "It'll be your turn next time," I whisper to her, but instead of looking grateful, she flinches, turning away as if she hadn't heard.

If I had thought the badger's claws were agony, I was wrong.

Crowstar has stepped back; it is Rushstar who speaks next. "WindClan are strong," he begins, and a ShadowClan warrior snorts, earning a few murderous glares. "Despite the cold and the coming leaf-bare, the rabbits are as plentiful as always. Sparrowpaw, Lionpaw and Poppypaw have become new apprentices, with Gorsepelt, Haretail and Starlingfall as their mentors."

I only have faint memories of a time when the clouds came to cover the moon. For a long time, the clans have been peaceful, and hopefully it will stay for longer. But something about Rushstar's voice makes me wonder if times are about to change.

Froststar steps forwards next, with a respectful nod to the WindClan leader. "Lightningfoot has passed away from greencough," she meows, and a sigh ripples through the clans. He was a well-known and respected deputy, and there will be cats from all clans who mourn his death. "Luckily, it did not spread to any other cats, and ThunderClan are as strong as always. Shadewhisper is now our deputy, and I hope he will lead with me for moons to come."

I barely hear what Lichenstar has to say; my thoughts are focused on Froststar's words and the others' reactions. She's missed out my brief deputyship in her report - I never expected anything else - but she still hasn't spoken a single untruthful word. Most of the clans don't seem to think twice of what she says, but I see two warriors narrow their eyes. Is it Froststar they are disapproving of - or could it be Shadewhisper? Surely there are some warriors who aren't quite sure whether to believe that Fallenbreeze would try to kill him - or am I truly alone?

Either way, the gathering comes to an end.

When we cross back to ThunderClan territory, I begin to slow, letting the clan draw ahead. Once I would have said none of them scorned me for my decision, but how can I say that if I don't know the apprentice I've taught since she was six moons old?

The answer is simple: I can't.

I can see her just ahead of me, chatting to Tigerfall with a smile. I don't need to look at her twice to know that it is fake.

She senses me looking, and I turn away.

I pad slowly, and soon the patrol are far ahead. None of them have noticed me, but if they did, they wouldn't think much. After all that's happened, I deserve some time alone. Today, however, it looks like I'm not going to get it.

I can tell Brightpaw is beside me without having to look; I speed up, unwilling to listen. If she won't acknowledge me, I won't acknowledge her.

"Rowanlily, wait!" she calls, and I stop, turning towards her. "We need to talk," my apprentice meows, desperation in her voice. "Please."

"I-" What can I say? _I thought you were avoiding me. I thought you hated me. I thought you didn't want to speak to me, not ever again._

"I'm sorry," Brightpaw says, the sorrow in her meow impossible to miss. "But I don't understand - and I care! I do care, Rowanlily! I just can't!"

"What do you mean?" I ask. "What's wrong, Brightpaw?" A stupid question - but what else can I say?

"I thought you were dead," she meows softly. "I couldn't cope. I loved you, but I wanted to hate you - and everything was just wrong!"

"I'm sorry," I whisper, but she doesn't seem to hear me.

"I thought you were dead, Rowanlily." Her mew is quiet, and I can feel, rather than hear, the fear in her voice. Fear of me. "And I think I was right."

* * *

 **The tenth chapter!**

 **To everyone who's read this story - thank you so much! I never dreamed I would actually get this far. But now I have, finishing it seems possible, and finish it I will.**

 **What do you think of Noah the kittypet? What about the gathering - and Brightpaw's accusation that, right or wrong, could change Rowanlily forever?**

 **As some of you may know, I had some problems with uploading the chapter. Eventually, it decided to work - but if Chapter 11 isn't published next week, that's why.**

 **Thanks for reading! =)**

 **~ Fire & Bright ~**


	12. Chapter 11 - Stolen

_I'm dead._

 _I should be dead._

 _But I'm not._

 _I don't know what happened. My kits came early - by nearly half a moon._

 _I don't know what happened. But I do know that they're dead._

 _They were stolen._

 _And soon, I will be stolen too._

* * *

 _Stolen._

 _All stolen._

Fallenbreeze, a whole cycle of the seasons ago. I lost a sister that day - and a lot more.

Our brother.

Lightningfoot.

And now it's Brightpaw's turn, and I can do nothing but watch her slip away.

 _No._ Inside my head, my thoughts are firm. _They will not take her from me, too._

 _Never._

Anger. Pure, red hot anger, at everyone, at everything - at anything that dares because what else can I do? There's nothing left inside ne but this boiling, bubbling pit of fury. Everything else has been stolen. And I might never get it back.

Fox-dung means nothing. Crowfood does not say enough. Traitor, and killer, and murderer - they are meaningless compared to the anger I feel now.

How dare they do this? What right do StarClan have to take everything away?

"Brightpaw," I meow, my voice almost as quiet as my anger is strong. "Please listen to me. I don't know what you're saying, but it doesn't make sense." _Please, Brightpaw,_ I beg, even though she cannot hear me. _Please._

"Rowanlily," she answers, in the same concerned tone, "please listen to me. You owe me that, at least." She sighs. "You're overreacting, Rowanlily. I said one thing, and already you're about to scream. Don't lie - I can tell."

 _What have I done to deserve this? What did I do, StarClan? What did I do?_

Silence. And then, finally, I break it. "But I'm right, aren't I?"

The silence continues. The calico is quiet when she speaks, but I can hear the conviction in her mew.

"Yes."

Inside my head, I scream.

Brightpaw doesn't give me time to reply - I open my mouth but I'm immediately silenced by her meow. "It all fits, Rowanlily," meows my apprentice, her voice almost pleading. "Your scent is strange, you're cold, and then there's Maplepaw - it all fits!" she repeats.

For a fleeting moment, I almost believe her.

Then I laugh; shaky, but without doubt. "Of course my scent is strange - I was attacked by a badger and barely survived! Of course I was cold - I'd just spent a night with no shelter alone! Don't be stupid, Brightpaw!"

"I'm not being stupid, Rowanlily," she says coldly. "You are."

I squeeze my eyes shut, as if if I ignore everything, it will go away. But nothing's that easy. It could never be that simple.

"I guess I should have expected it," I retort. "Your mother was Lilystream, after all - I guess liars run in the family."

The change in her is immediate.

"No!" she screeches, and I flinch, taking a step back. "It's the truth, Rowanlily! You wanted the truth, and here it is!"

No.

This isn't the truth.

None of it is the truth.

It's all lies.

All of it is lies.

"Brightpaw, I don't think you're well," I say, taking a step forward.

"I'm fine!" she yowls, her voice feral and desperate. _She's been balancing on the edge for a while now,_ I realise, _and now she's about to fall._

"You can tell _me_ , Brightpaw," I plead. "I promise I won't say anything!" When she was just seven moons old, she was always give up at that - and, to my surprise, she does now.

"No!" she hisses. "I can tell no one! No one at all! Not even you!"

Brightpaw breathes quickly, in and out, in and out. Then she slumps, and gives in.

"I tried to be good, like I'd always been, but it was too hard!" Brightpaw whispers, the fear in her voice unmistakeable. "Everything is wrong, and nothing is right - and what can I do?"

"You _are_ ill," I say. I feel numb - I've been through enough that nothing will surprise me again. "I was right."

Despite my cry of fear, Brightpaw does nothing more than glare at me as she slumps to the ground. She's warm - unnaturally warm. _Fever_. "But you were wrong," she snarls. "You've always been wrong."

 _You've always been wrong_. My apprentice is the one who knows how to hurt me most, I just never dreamed that she would.

"I need to get help," I say, backing away and staring into the inky-blackness of the forest. The patrol we travelled with will be back and asleep by now - they wouldn't find us until morning.

"No!" She screeches with fear and I wince, hating to watch her like this. "What if- what if the badger wasn't properly chased away - and it comes back?" It may be irrational, but I understand her fears. That doesn't mean that I will agree will them, though.

"Then stand up," I snap, fed up of being nice. "Stand up and walk!"

"I- I can't!" Her yowl is long and desperate, but I can do nothing.

I never can.

"I'm sorry," she whispers. "I failed again." Before I can react, she collapses - and with those last words, she falls into sleep.

After Fallenbreeze ran, the days were dull and same. Nothing mattered and I didn't care. Moons later, our brother bled to death after a fox attack, and it was only then I came out into the sunlight and continued where I had left - as if Fallenbreeze had never existed.

That's what I feel like now.

With a jolt, I bring myself back to now. _Brightpaw's in danger. I can't let her down._

Everything has been stolen from me - but they will not steal me, too.

 _Never._

I need to go. Her fever needs treating, and if we stay out here all night, we'll freeze to death.

At least I know that when she told me I was dead, she wasn't the smart, intelligent, right-minded Brightpaw I know.

 _But what if what she was saying_ is _the truth?_

I shiver, unsettled.

 _You're afraid, Rowanlily. Afraid of yourself._

* * *

 _"Come_ on _, Fallenpaw!" The voice is familiar - a voice I've always known, but I haven't heard for a long time._

 _"You said-" This is me._

 _"I know what I said! And I've forgotten it!" Silence. Then me again, with a grin I can't see, but I know so well._

 _"That makes no sense."_

 _"Yep!" Laughing together, we ignore our mentors and run into the forest._

 _Two cats come into view - one brown and the other black and white. We chase each other through the forest, through the trees and ferns and brambles and everything I used to know and I still love. But then it fades away. It's just the same voice - the first - again and again and again._

 _"Brightpaw, please listen to me."_

 _"Don't be stupid, Brightpaw!"_

 _"Brightpaw, I don't think you're well."_

 _"You can tell_ me _, Brightpaw."_

 _And then the voice is gone, and I am left alone, with the calls of the birds and the whistling of the wind._

"Breeze! It's morning!"

"Huh?" Confused, I look up, and a brown-furred face swims into view. _Of course - Noah! How could I forget?_

He rolls his eyes. "We're never going to get anywhere if you sleep all day! We're on a journey, remember! Wake up!"

With a sigh, I get to my paws, stretching my legs and then padding towards the cheerful tom. It's not long, however, before I am awake and running, bounding past him and away from the rising sun.

Soon, we settle into a rhythm, hoping to travel much further than we had the day before. Noah doesn't stop talking, but I don't complain - I savour every moment of company I have.

I've been lonely, but I didn't know it until now. Maybe I've always been lonely.

I can't go back now. It's too late.

 _I'll never be able to change anything I've done,_ I think, thinking of the endless journey ahead of us. _But if I could, then I'd never care._

 _It's_ us _now,_ I realise, with a smile to my companion. _But soon, that will be taken away from me again. It always is._

 _I need you, Rowanlily. Why can't you come?_

 _I need you._

 _I'll always need you._

 _Forever, until the day I die._

 _But it's time to forget,_ I think. _Because I can't go on like this. I've been through trouble, but I've had enough of complaining._

 _Worse things have happened._

 _It's time to let it go._

Witha smile, I do just that, bounding ahead to where Noah stands.

"So," I say, padding alongside the brown tom, "how're you doing?"

Surprised, he hesitates before answering. "I'm fine, thanks."

"No - sorry - I mean tell me about yourself," I say. It's about time I asked. "Who's your family? Have you always lived here? What was your first catch?"

"Well, I was born in the barn," he begins. "I was the only cat of my litter that survived. When I was fully-grown, the people took my parents away."

"That must have been horrible," I say. To know your parents well and rely and depend on them, only to have them taken away.

"Not really," he says, giving me a strange look. "Most housecats only get to know their parents for a few months."

"I guess you're right." I fall quiet again, and we continue padding forwards.

It's after sunhigh when I see the forest, and I sigh with relief, glad to find some familiar-looking land again, even if it isn't quite home. It looks denser than my home, but hopefully prey will be hiding amongst its foliage. _I haven't drunk for a while, too,_ I realise, hearing the babble of a stream nearby.

"I'm going to go and try and catch something," I tell Noah. "Stay here." I wait for his nod before I disappear into the undergrowth.

My ears pick up a sound, and I turn towards it. There. A large squirrel, stood next to a tree I assume it has its drey. I'm going to need to cut it off, but the icy wind is blowing my scent away from it right where I am.

Making my desicion, I crouch and pad slowly towards it. Setting my paws down slowly and carefully, I make my way towards the prey, careful not to alert it to my presence. When I think I'm close enough, I pounce.

It notices me just a moment to late - I lunge, and pin it down with my claws. A quick bite and it's dead. I bury it, and quickly move on - we need more than that to feed both of us today.

I miss a scrawny shrew, but that wouldn't have fed anyone, anyway. I miss a mouse, too - but I manage to pin down a robin before it flutters away.

I dig up and drag my catches back to where Noah still stands, waiting. He brightens at the sight of prey, although I notice a small mouse at his paws.

"Great catch!" he exclaims, admiration in his mew.

"You too," I reply. "I would never be able to get anything out in the open."

"Maybe I could teach you?" he offers, cocking his head to the side.

"That sounds great!"

I smile as I gulp down the prey, glad for the company that Noah has brought. _What what I do without him?_

But I don't want to have to answer that question.

Hopefully, I never will.

* * *

 **Chapter 11, finally! I only just got this up on time, actually, despite the extra week to write.**

 **So, what do you think of Brightpaw's fever? Her accusations? Fallenbreeze's determination to push her past aside? I know exactly where I'm going with this story now - I just need to work out how to get to it.**

 **Thanks for reading,**

 **~ Fire & Bright ~**


	13. Chapter 12 - Freedom

**I'm not sure if anyone actually saw chapter 11 when I replaced the A/N with it, so sorry about that! Please read the previous chapter now if you haven't! Sorry!**

* * *

 _Briarleap is gone. I don't know where she went and I don't know why - and I no longer know how to care. T_ _his is impossible. What is happening to me? Why am I like this?_

 _I've coped through all the doubt and the loss that we've suffered,_ _keeping hope alive. But what if I was wrong? Every dream could be vanquished in an instant. I would die, and I would never come back._

 _But I have no choice but to keep trying, all the way until the end._

 _Will I ever truly be free?_

* * *

 _Maplepaw_.

That's the name that Lichenstar gave me.

It works - I think. It suits me well, and I actually quite like it. It's just Flame is the only link I have left to the life I used to have. Flame is, without any doubt, _me,_ and, unintentionally or not, she's taking that away.

It's strange to think that I was ever a house-cat - or a kittypet, as they call them here - even just for eight moons. The only part of my life I ever remember is wild and free. I've always cared for myself, and I've made many more friends than enemies - friends that have risked everything for me. Frostfall. Fallenbreeze. The two of my best are both clan cats, and I might never see either of them again. I wonder what that says about me. Does that mean that this is my destiny?

Despite that, I don't know if I can ever be a warrior. I'm weak, I can't fight and I no longer have Fallenbreeze to support me in this new, strange world.

I don't know what to think about the former warrior. I know her well - or at least I think I do. But it doesn't matter - I will respect her wishes and at least try to settle here. I owe her nothing, but I know she would do the same for me in my position.

I'll be going to the nursery soon, but Lichenstar says I should make the most of the time I have. She's assigned me a temporary mentor to teach me about the clans and everything I need to know. His name's Briarsky, and I think he's quite nice, but I'm not sure yet. He's patient, but I don't know if he'll be patient enough for me.

I just wish I could have been a medicine cat. It's a desire we both know of, so I don't bother to hide it. He never brings it up, and for that, I am grateful. I try my hardest with my training - I just don't know if it's enough.

I can hunt pretty well - I have been looking after myself for years, after all. But the techniques these cats have are amazing. Generation upon generation of warriors have perfected and improved different ways of hunting, on land and in water.

I've never fished before, but I think I pick it up quite quickly. On our third day, I make my first catch from the river, and Briarsky lets me eat it myself. Trust me, fish is delicious, whatever Fallenbreeze might have said. We do some swimming lessons too, but very few. I'm alright at it, but apparently I can't do much until after my kits are born.

Briarsky talks about clan culture often, but I forget most of it quickly. He says it will come easier with time, but I can only hope he's right. Names alone are so complicated that I can't begin to wonder what everything else is like, too. The gathering came and passed, and I still understood nothing about it. My mentor still says I'm doing well, though, so I won't give up.

Fighting, however, isn't so simple.

We began our first fighting lesson a week after Fallenbreeze left. I was quite proud of how well I was doing, and I was determined to impress my mentor. I had thought fighting would be no problem - instinctive, maybe, or easy at the very least. But when Briarsky stands in front of me and tells me to attack him, I have second thoughts.

"Are you sure?" I ask, worry in my meow. "What if you get hurt?"

"As long as you keep your claws sheathed, I'll be fine," he reassures me. "Don't worry, just attack me!"

I sink into a crouch, fixing my eyes on his shoulder, but I don't pounce. Instead, I stand there until Briarleap springs. With a yowl of surprise, I tumble backwards, sprawling onto the ground. I look up at him, embarrassed, and when he cocks his head to the side, I have nothing to say.

"Let's try that again," he growls, and my spirits sink. _I guess I'm not so good, after all._

This time, I manage to spring, batting him gently on the head with my paw. He swipes at me and I stumble, but hold my ground. I try to hit him but hesitate, and, rolling his eyes, he begs me aside.

I get to my paws, embarrassed. Briarsky says nothing. "You're my friend!" I protest, avoiding his gaze. "I don't want to fight you!" He looks disappointed, and, ashamed, I study my paws.

In that moment, he attacks, springing towards me and aiming for my shoulder. I shriek and try to dodge, but he simply swipes at my paws and I stumble and fall.

"You fight like a kittypet," he grumbles, and I flinch. "Get up."

Afraid, I obey.

"Okay," he growls, "let's try a different approach. If you don't begin to fight - _today_ \- then we'll kick you straight out of the clan and you and your kits will have to survive alone in the middle of leaf-bare."

"What?" I screech, fear filling me. "You can't-"

With a growl, he springs, and I stand there in shock. Just in time, I drop and roll across the ground, scrambling up before he can attack again. I swipe at his shoulder and duck, avoiding his next blow and striking him hard on the head. Breathing heavily, I step back, trying to anticipate his next move. But he only stands there with a grin on his face.

"Now that's better," he says approvingly, and for a moment I glow with pride. It fades rapidly, and fury replaces it.

"You tricked me!"

He laughs. "A mother's love is the most powerful force of all."

I'm not that surprised I fell for it, really, but still... "If only I weren't so gullible." I sigh, disappointed and proud of myself at the same time.

"If you weren't so gullible, then we'd still be stuck here doing the same thing, over and over," he meows briskly. "But next time it won't be so easy - it'll be a long time before I give you my best. In training, you need to expect an attack at any time. If you're not ready, then you won't win." I nod, hoping that I'll be able to do that again.

Fighting isn't easy, I discover, but it isn't impossible, either, as I had first thought. We battle a few more times, each fight harder than the one before. I don't win, but I get better each time. Briarsky demonstrates some moves - front paw blow, leap and hold, belly rake... By the time we turn to head back to the RiverClan camp, my head is full of names but I can barely remember a single one of them. If only they were herbs, I wouldn't have to worry.

I glance at the cats around me, sharing tongues and chatting amongst themselves. A queen ushers a pair of kits inside the nursery, and Tinderfur rolls her eyes at her mentor. RiverClan are one and I'm an outsider.

But I don't think I have long until I'm one of them, too.

* * *

The next day comes and passes, and I barely notice. So far, we've stayed at the edge of the forest, but it's huge - at least fifty times as big than ThunderClan territory, if not more. Eventually, Noah admits we have to go through. He hates the forest, and is constantly complaining - about the bushes, the light, the prey... I don't mind it, really. It may be unfamiliar and strange, but it's the closest place out here that I have to home.

I push my way under a bramble bush, grinning at Noah as he wriggles out, thorns caught in his fur. "Blasted brambles," he mutters. Noah doesn't seem like a naïve tom anymore - there's more to him than I realised. My friend certainly isn't who I thought he was, but for some reason, I trust him completely.

I need to be careful, though. My instincts have been wrong before.

"You'll get used to it," I tell him with a smile, but he just glares at me in response. Or not, I guess. I can understand that. I could never get used to the marsh and pines of ShadowClan, or the swimming that RiverClan hold close, and I can't expect them to like the forest and the moors either. I could have been a WindClan cat, I guess. But ThunderClan is where my heart lies.

"Which way?" Noah asks, and I frown. So far, he's led the way without hesitation, and I've been able to follow. But if he isn't who I thought, then does he really know where he's going? And why would he play along?

I pause before I reply, then decide to speak the truth. "I'm not sure. I say we keep going straight ahead and hope that we find the other side soon."

"Okay," Noah meows, seemingly careless. But when I glance back, his eyes are trained on me. Surprise flashes across his face and he looks away.

More wary than before, I continue through the forest.

"So where did you come from?" Noah asks, breaking the silence.

"A long way away," I tell him, smiling and closing my eyes. "In a forest, far away, next to a moor and a mountain range, four clans live. They're mostly peaceful, and they live together, hunting, fighting, and living their small, fragile lives." I realise, with a sad smile, that it's not 'us' anymore.

"Hey!" he calls, and I open my eyes, turning towards him. "A little help here!"

I try, but I can't stop my _mrreow_ of laughter. The brown tom is stuck underneath a holly bush, and the look on his face is hilarious.

"Don't laugh!" he snaps, glaring at me. "Just get me out of here!"

"I'm sorry," I meow, still laughing. "It's just- you- you should see your face!" I pad back towards him, trying to work out what to do.

I examine the plant, and it seems that somehow Noah has got himself thoroughly stuck. "You know, you could have just walked around it," I say, rolling my eyes. _Idiot_. "I'm gonna have to get a stick or something to try and lever it up."

"Well, do it quickly!" Noah grumbles, trying to get free.

I find a small dead branch not that far away, and drag it towards the bush. I push it under and try to get it in a good position - not very successfully.

"Ow!" Noah exclaims. "You poked me!"

"Sorry," I reply, wiggling it slightly and poking him again. "Sorry!"

Eventually I manage to lever the bush up, just enough to let Noah wriggle out. Half of his fur seems to have been left behind, but I keep my mouth shut.

"Finally!" he meows, glaring at me.

I shrug. "I did my best."

He snorts with annoyance. "Yeah, right."

I nudge him affectionately. "Sorry."

"It's okay," he admits, but still adds, "just don't laugh at me again."

I laugh, then quickly turn it into a cough.

We make good progress, and when night falls I'm happy with how far we've travelled. Noah, however, isn't. "Another day in this forest," he groans, as I clear out a space inside a hollow tree. It's the perfect place to shelter, and I send Noah to check around from dangers while I search for moss. It doesn't occur to me that I should look for dangers myself - I trust him.

"Hey, Fallenbreeze!" He calls me over a few moments later, and, curious, I come. I break through the brambles and freeze. It's unusual, I guess, an open clearing in the middle of a dense forest. But what startles me is that, without any doubt, I know I've seen this place before.

I try to remember, but the only image that comes to my mind is a group of huddling, fearful cats. _But that is the only image I have,_ I realise. _It was a dream..._

I see the same scene flash before me again - dark shapes, and a she-cat - _Silver,_ he called her. But this time, I see Snow, at the edge of the clearing, slipping away after that last word. _Never_.

I bite back an exclaim of surprise and fear. _How could this be possible? It was just a dream..._

 _It has happened before, I guess, but never to me._

For a moment, I pause, thinking. That can only mean one thing. _We're going in the right direction._

 _The end of my journey can't be far,_ I think. _But do really I want this to end? Or am I happy travelling from place to place, making friends and living my life truly free?_

* * *

 **Chapter 12 is up and edited! (I was right. I really did need to edit that.)**

 **What do you think of Flame's new name? Do you think she'll ever truly settle into RiverClan? And did I actually manage to write a casual and - maybe? - even funny part of the chapter in Fallenbreeze's POV? Probably not, but never mind.**

 **What did you think of the clearing that matches Fallenbreeze's dream (I think that's in chapter 5) and then Snow appearing in the vision? Is she right in continuing the journey, or should she abandon it and live her life as happily as she can?**

 **Thanks for reading,**

 **~ Fire & Bright ~**


	14. Not Chapter 13, because I'm an idiot

Oh for God's sake. I can't believe I'm writing this again. At least I had a satisfactory (for me, anyway) reason last time.

Well, I was going to finish the chapter last week, but my friend came around to sleep over on Friday and I sort of left it and then forgot about it completely. When I came back to it a few days later, I just didn't feel like writing.

There. That's the lame excuse over.

Well, the truth is that I've let myself direct my focus to another story I'm planning, and I just can't write this properly at the moment. As most of you will know, November begins next week, and so does NaNoWriMo, National Novel Writing Month. I've decided to take a one month break from Lies and write the first draft of an original story which may be posted on Wattpad when I've thoroughly revised and edited it. But I'm afraid I won't be updating this book until December comes.

Yeah. Sorry about that.

Thanks!

~ Fire & Bright ~


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